second time

Second time to sh in a few months. dont know why just feel i am so alone and its something I control, oh i dont know why. had severe depression recently, everyone now thinks i am getting better and i want to scream I'm not. Feel sick with myself.

(((((((Christine001))))))) I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. It is indeed a horrible feeling, and even worse when nobody understands.

Can you talk to a therapist, pdoc, or doctor about this? Are you on any meds? If so, could it be time for a change in medication?

These all sound like reasons that a person would SH.

Yes, are you in therapy?

My short term work couunsellor said should consider pyschotherapy but hard to access over here. Lots of personal issues that have fed into more deep routed stuff. having a very very hard time, thanks for responding and i will try not to pick!

I did it again last night, so many issues and so mixed up. so little help. Just need some help and support and someone to tell me i will be ok.

Do you understand what is triggering this SH?

I hurt my self for many reasons.

yes its not so easy as one trigger. I hurt myself because I am depressed and all the self loathing that goes with it. I hurt myself because it makes me feel I am still alive and somehow not alone, though I am. I have some serious issues to deal with at the moment that I cant cope with and somehow this makes me cope. I and I hurt myself because its better that doing something more permenant.
But I want and need to stop and will find help for myself.

Hope you are ok malcontent.

went to see my pdoc today and a few other things on my mind, so SI on last weeks scar, was quite amazed and frightened by it. think I am becoming dependant.
pdoc wants to see me every 2 weeks and a commubity nurse in between, as only 3 weeks out of hospital. it was the idea of all this intrusion and that they think I need that level of support that freaked me out.

how do I stop, when its the only private and real thing I have?

Christine, this is a good list of why you SI. Work on your depression and your self loathing. How is your depression and self loathing today related to your past? What has caused (from the past) how you are today? Decreasing your depression and self loathing will decrease/stop your need to SI.

Working on not feeling alone will also help you to decrease/stop your SI. Many people with these issues are afraid to let people close. Working on your fears and your skills will help you to allow people closer to you. These skills are healthy boundaries (because unhealthy boundaries don't allow you to protect yourself), social skills, expressing your repressed feelings in therapy to decrease your anxiety, improving your self worth because low self worth causes a person to keep others away so that they can't see the real you. (Improving self worth involves discovering why it is low in the first place. What messages did you receive while growing up about your worth?)

Did the mental health professionals say that they are going to take away your SI?

being alone is my defense, I am working on it and trying to seek support and being honest but this is shaking my foundations, my self worth was ridiculed as a child my mum died when I was 5 and step mum couldnt cope with my moods so made fun of me. see also my thread in depression forum - says something like I am crumbling.

thanks for your advice, You are right its just the exploration so far feels very unsafe.

This makes total sense. Exploring brings out feelings from the past. Those feelings are fear, pain, sadness, etc. It is very hard to feel these repressed feelings.

Go slow. It seems that you have a lot of insight into yourself. This will be very helpful to your healing. Please keep us posted?