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#1
Oct 19, 2010, 06:02 AM
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i hate how i feel this way.
I cut myself often and its getting to the point where i feel i cant control it, and will harm myself over small pathetic little things (like there being no crumpets left) Sometimes i feel i want to test myself to see how far i can go - as if to play chicken with myself. It is not just the cutting that is self inflicted. I push myself to take pills until i throw up. I have to take 10 codeine tablets a day for another pain i have, and i deliberately drink say, 6 bottles of RTD's a night, or dont eat. I know this isbad but i feel as though im not actually commiting suicide outright so its better? Maybe. I dont know. Help please? 
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#2
Oct 20, 2010, 12:54 AM
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Hi Addi, welcome to PC! I read your profile and I am glad that you are in therapy. Does your therapist know about these things that you do? How is therapy going?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Oct 20, 2010, 12:42 PM
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are you punishing yourself? thats what i did it for - that and to ground myself ....
do you know why you do this? come back and talk .... 
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
 addipaddi
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#4
Oct 20, 2010, 02:22 PM
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Hi sannah - my therapist knows to an extent what i do, i feel i cant tell her some things as i have always been judged and i guess i just dont want to be judged anymore. Apart from that, i think that therapy is going alright, im not feeling a whole deal better but i suppose that will take time.
Hi phoenix7 - i think i am punishing myself but i havnt gotten to the point where i know why. I think that maybe my past has just caught up with me and kind of blown me over. i hope it becomes easier because im starting to feel that there is no point in trying anymore |
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#5
Oct 21, 2010, 01:57 AM
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Has your therapist ever judged you? Therapy works better if you share more with your therapist so that they can help you.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#6
Oct 21, 2010, 11:56 PM
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No, i guess she has not judged me, im scared she will though because everyone else has
__________________
Sometimes life's so much cooler when you just don't know any better and all the painful lessons have not hammered your head open yet.  Anthony Kiedis
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#7
Oct 22, 2010, 03:38 AM
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Well she has showed you so far that she doesn't judge and this is usually how therapists are. Others aren't trained and don't understand. Can you give it a go?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| addipaddi
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