Does anybody remember the first time they tried SI?

I am just curious where the thought came from and what really made you actually try. My best friend cut herself so I got the idea from her. And the first time I cut myself was over something really stupid.

For me, the first time I cut it was after school, my mom and sister were out and I was home alone, I dont rmeber much except that day I was bullied or something was said that day that just tore me apart from the inside. After I did it i cried for hours. It was the first time I cut but not the first time I SI. I didn't realsie it at the time, not until now which is 3 years later but as a younger kid I used to take pointy object and poke myself, and go really deep. It made me feel better that's all I knew, i didn't know it was bad. Until I saw degrassi and Ellie cutting herself and I finally figured it out and that's when cutting was introduced to me and I tried it and it felt liberating, at the time. Now im covered in scars. Not the worst thing to ever happen to me but will affect me the longest.

I didnt know self harm was bad, i didnt even really know what iit was until I saw degrassi but although it might have been my trigger, it was the thing that led me to get help.

Yes I clearly remember my first I tried, SI, it was not only the first time but the most serious incident. It was about 5 years ago, I was in such internal pain, for some reason I got to feeling that physical pain could replace emotional pain, I knew it was a stupid idea but I picked up the knife anyway. I will spare you the details of what I did to myself (wasn't trying to kill myself though) ended up in the ER, after I was stitched up I was taken in hand cuffs by the sheriff’s officers to a mental hospital where I was admitted against my will.

It didn’t work, clearly I couldn’t replace my emotional pain with physical pain, the forced hospitalization was one of the most difficult experiences of my adult life. But that didn’t stop me from doing it again and again, though I’m more careful now, making sure I only SI to the extent that I can take care of on my own.

Trigger!!


I remember the very first time. I was deeply depressed at the time, but didn't know it yet. My boyfriend had just left the country. I had a total meltdown that night. I grabbed a large kitchen knife, one of those bread knives with a serrated blade. I just wrapped my hands around it, and then, for some reason, started sliding my hands down the blade. Repeatedly. I cut up the palms of my hands badly. The next day at work, I had to come up with an excuse, so I told everyone I had broken a glass doing dishes. Luckily they believed me.

Yeah I ended up in the ER and the mental hospital as well except it wasn't for cutting. I overdosed on Advil PM and when I went to therapy my T noticed and called 911. Once in the hospital, the nurses and everybody kept trying to talk to me. There was a social worker who was the biggest ***** in the world. The nurses also made it their right to look at my SI scars . anyway it's almost a year on the 30th of this months (yes...I was in there on the eve of New Year's Eve). After hours in the hospital, I was taken to the mental hospital for the night. It sucked so bad.

I don't remember exactly where I got the idea, but I think it was on a teen website I'd been on a few times that was created to help people struggling with depression and other mental health problems. Their self harm forum wasn't the greatest and instead of discouraging people to SH it kind of gave you the idea instead. Plus I had talked to my friend about it a couple times because she'd thought about doing it before. It was during a time before I found out I was depressed and I think I did it because I was confused about the way I was feeling more than anything.

The first time as a conscious decision to injure myself I was about 12 and trying to get out of something in gym class. I think it was long distance running. I went into the woods and found a good size rock and started pounding my right ankle.

There were numerous times as a youngster where I would be totally frustrated at myself, being clumsy, or angry at something I could not do or being picked on that I would kick a tree out of sheer frustration. But then I don't think it was intentional to injure myself but to get rid of intense emotions that I had no other outlet for. It was usually one good kick or ram my head into a telephone pole, did that several times.

I have always bit my nails to the point of bleeding and to this day I still do that. Alot of times it was half way up my nail bed. I'm not quite as bad, except at the moment they are.

The worst I have done, most painful. I was about 14 and Idon't remember why but I dislocated my ankle. I perposly twisted it around until I heard it pop out. I don't remember feeling pain untill later.

I have SI'd by taking too many meds. The first time was a conscious decision to try kill myself, and the other to maybe let some of my emotional pain out.

I've never cut myself, but have often thought about it and tried to justify it. And I can - luckily so far, my logical self has always intervened.
But to me, it makes perfect sense the release emotional pain as physical pain. I can convince myself of that...

I do remember my first time, however I wish I didn’t. I will spare you the details, however, I will explain where the idea came from.

The idea of cutting came to me by accident actually, months before I started doing it to feel a release. I was cooking in the kitchen with my mother and I accidentally sliced my wrist with a knife (I dropped it and my other arm was right underneath. The excruciating pain was calming to me, invigorating. It was then that I tinkered with the idea of such pain causing me pleasure, such a release. It wasn’t until months after that I found the need to do it again.

My first time wasn't even intentional but the release was there and was the start of a long road of self harm. I very distinctly remember the release that was felt that first time and have never again had that same feeling

Probably triggering:
I don't really remember the first time I did anything considered SI. For as along as I can remember, especially around age 6-10 I would scratch scabs completely off and then I would finally feel calmer (had pretty bad anxiety issues around that time). I would also intentionally trip or fall down alot, even on rough cement.

I had tried to cut myself since around 12, but was always afraid to. I'm not sure why but considering how suicidal I was around that time it's a good thing, I probably would've killed myself. When that form of SI actually started I was 15.
First time I overdosed was when I was 16. I wouldn't consider it a suicide attempt, but either it would kill me or it would be an escape, I honestly didn't care if it killed me. I'm not sure if that counts as SI or just getting high. I'll put it here anyway.
I'm nearly 18 now, stopping all of this very soon...

i had the fascination with scabs and scratching them clear off just to see the blood.. as far as the first major cutting episode it was after a fight with either my parents or just my mom..probably mom.. and i ran into the kitchen and snuck a knife out of the wooden knife holding thingy.. but i didn't pick a really good one since it was the scratchy kind if that makes sense.. and took it to my palms and the back of my hand. i fell asleep with the knife and tissues in my hand and woke up to it being gone..pretty sure my mom snuck it outa my hand while i was asleep but she never mentioned it..

it was also around that time that i started experimenting with suicide and the old bottle of tylenol thing.. but suicide ideation was always triggered by my brother's abuse and constant bullying

I had a very difficult childhood, very emotionally unstable. I would always blame myself for everything and I used to hit myself when I felt particularly ashamed or angry with myself. A few years later I found ways to hurt myself more, and it became an obsession. It escaladed from a few bruises to cuts which are now scars that will never go away, but I've come to terms with that. I no longer hide my thighs obsessively in hot weather. If someone asks, I just say yeah I've been through rough times, that's all. No one usually asks though, maybe because it's blatantly obvious? :S

I think the first time was in fourth or fifth grade, only a handful of years ago. In our last year at elementary school our teacher gave us a compass-the kind you use to make perfect circles with-and they weren't the safety ones with plastic ends. The whole thing was metal and the end was sharp. I think I got a bad grade on something so my parents yelled at me and I got so upset I couldn't take it anymore. Even if I try my best if it's not an A or a B I'm screwed.

So that being said SI happened whenever I failed to meet a goal that was put forth by my parents. I scratched myself up pretty bad with that compass. I couldn't make them too deep though, I blamed them on my cats-even though my cats have never scratched me, EVER-and despite what I anxiously thought would happen I was safe in the knowledge that my simpleton parents wouldn't notice. I still don't like them that much because they never listen to me(oh wah)
Being in eighth grade now, so many kids are cutting, or depressed in some way. I haven't SI'd in a few months. It feels like five months is an eternity :-)