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#1
Dec 10, 2010, 06:44 PM
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URGG... I guess I didn't have this undercontrol..... I did SI, but I don't think it was really me doing it, I think it was a dillusion. But besides that, I still did the SI, stilll caused pain. Still did damage, and I feel damaged.
I want to do it again..... this is not good. I......... want this all to be done with. I don't want these dillusions, I don't want to SI anymore, I don't want to be like this forever. I just don't know what to do..... I don't know... I don't like this at all. I was looking forward to the pain of wisdom teeth removal but I have to wait for that. I dont' like this at all. I want more pain. I want to SI. I've never wanted it this bad. I hate change. I hate feeling like this. I hate headaches. I hate my life. I don't know what triggered all this except for the dillusion I though someone was talking to me via a light blinking. and So I SI'ed twice. GRRRRRR. Some one hlep me understand this. |
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#2
Dec 10, 2010, 11:26 PM
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do you ahve a T you can ring? you sound like i have felt many times - when the need becomes almost unbearable - can you keep your hands busy wiht other things?
there are some good ideas at the top of the page... IO haev to go but i will come back later to see how you are pplease stay safe P7 
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts  its how many times you get back up!   (Thanks to fenrir for my Picture  )When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly. by Patrick Overton, author and poet |
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#3
Dec 11, 2010, 03:16 AM
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People can SI with hallucinations. Did you say earlier that you changed some medications? Your best bet on working through all of this is being in therapy and being followed by a pdoc. Are you stressed about moving?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#4
Dec 11, 2010, 08:42 PM
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Yes meds were changed a bit. Still not sure if it was the right discission or not. but I'm hoping it will help. It was for a few days and then the last 3 days happened. I hope to have some professionals to talk to soon but it will have to wait until the new year, and after the move. I will be looking for one that I can see right when I get into the new town. I hope it will help.
As far as being stressed about the move. Yes, I am, veryy stressed. I don't know how everything will work out. I need a stress releiver..... and that's when the urges start agian. Even when I'm writing this, I'm strugling. And the worst part is, the SI went to an extreme... When you start to look at new ways to SI with out cutting, it takes it to an insain level. And it all started with Plinking lights. I hate what this has done to me. My mind isn't even mine anymore. and I"m scared that this will harm my chances of going to school. If this continues. I'm in hot water. SO I guess I have to change this. Some how. I think everytime this happens, it's caused by me not taking the right meds at the right time. I'm on 3 differnet meds, and I guess I have been taking some at the wrong time. That could bring on the Psycosis... I don't know how I can change the meds to make it easer. SInce one pill cases is green and one is white(clear). Anyone got some ideas of how they keep the pills seprate, and taken at the right time? |
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#5
Dec 12, 2010, 02:28 AM
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Can you label the pills and write out a schedule? Use a timer or alarm for when you need to take the meds? So it sounds like you can get some professional help in a few weeks. I can understand how anxiety provoking change and moving can be. Would it help if you talked about it more here?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#6
Dec 12, 2010, 10:13 PM
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It might, and I hope I can talk about part of it here, but there is another thing that I have not shared with anyone except maybe one person. Because It's hard to understand, Even for me. I'm trying to stay focused. I'm trying to stay busy. The fustrating part is being stuck in a place I don't want to be in. I don't really like living with my parents, it can be to sufficating. And the fact that I hide some of the vary things that most people don't want to hear about, or even see. I just hope I can get over this.
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#7
Dec 13, 2010, 04:12 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#8
Dec 14, 2010, 03:47 AM
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more like 2.5 left. But tonight is really hard, I can't sleep and all I (or Hill) wants to SI. I really don't want to, so I think it's more her. It's hard to tell somedays. But right now the only thing that I could think of to stop her is to get on to my computer. Maybe put up a block on things I don't want her or I to see. and post here. and then if needed play some relaxing games. I just hope this helps. I know I took my meds late again. And I'm looking into what time is best and what fits my schedule. But I think it's more the meds this time.
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#9
Dec 14, 2010, 05:58 AM
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Are you older enough for tattoos?
That helped me through my SI issues. I know it sounds stupid but I like tattoos, seeing and getting them. You have to be 16 with parents persmission and 18 to do it on your own. When I got a strong urge I would schedule a tattoo and wait for it. Just scheduling it, even if I had to wait a week, made it better. Sorry if this reply is stupid, just trying to share what has worked for me. I don't get tattoos that often anymore and I don't have the SI urge either. Because I know there is a solution when I need it. That helps keep it away for me.
__________________
Be who you are and say what you feel... Because those who matter.. Don’t mind... And those who mind.. Don’t matter." (Dr. Seuss) 
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#10
Dec 15, 2010, 01:54 AM
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I for one will never get a tatto... think of how it will look in 60 years. Not good. But I got thorugh the night, by just doing what I did, to redirect my mind. Hoping on here and type on here, will help. I am going to see if the time that I take my meds changes things. (this may take a while.)
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 Sannah
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#11
Dec 22, 2010, 03:33 PM
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Days with out doing SI 11 days. Begining again.... 12/22/10 Yes that means that I did SI this morning. But I just/ no She could not handle this anymore... she wants to do other things again. Grrr I hope that the Pdoc will find someone for T. That need is a need. Just a few more days....
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#12
Dec 23, 2010, 02:46 PM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#13
Dec 23, 2010, 05:08 PM
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And I just couldn't resist doing it again that night. I have to find a substitute thing to do instead of SI. And I've been more issolated to get Christmas Presents done.
What more can I do to change? |
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#14
Dec 23, 2010, 05:16 PM
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Oh shoot.... I know the cause. It's been 2 years since I was in the Behavioral Unit and it was right around this time. Any suggestions of how to get over this??
Darn Triggers.. |
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#15
Dec 24, 2010, 10:22 AM
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Knowing the trigger is good. Reminding yourself that this is why you are upset is good too because it helps you to understand and reminding yourself what is the past and what is the present when you are triggered will be helpful. Expressing those feelings that are coming up will help. Eventually discussing this time period from the past with a therapist will help you to diffuse the trigger especially if you can release the emotions about it.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#16
Dec 29, 2010, 03:10 PM
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and soon that will happen.... I'm moving this weekend and now i need to pack.... and find a job over there. This should be interesting. and House M.D. will be my distraction to how I"m really doing
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#17
Dec 29, 2010, 05:04 PM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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