[somebodyelse]

Well, the cuts were so large that I knew I had to confess to my husband before he saw them on his own. He became very upset, because he thought I had quit cutting after I was hospitalized last spring.

I went to my pdoc on Monday and we talked about the cutting, the dissociation, anxiety and depression He doubled the dosage on two of my meds---I've been sleeping a lot ever since. He said that if this doesn't work after 4 weeks, he'll prescribe anti-psychotic drugs, because they sometimes work wtih dissociation. (I usually see him every six weeks, but now he's cut it down to four.)

Tuesday I went to my t. He was very relieved that my weekend went ok; but tried to make me promise to call him prior to cutting the next time. I told him that I couldn't promise him that. We talked about suicidal thoughts that I've been having, so now he's really worried. I did promise that if the suicidal thoughts got worse that I will call him. He made an appointment with me for next week, even though I had recently been going every two weeks. I told him that my husband wanted to talk to him about my lack of progress and the cutting.

Yesterday, my husband and my t had a lengthy conversation on the phone. My t said that he's called my pdoc and is waiting to hear back from him. My t and my husband discussed hospitalizing me again. .

My pdoc, my t, my husband and I are all disappointed that I'm not much better by now. I have a baaaad feeling that I'm gonna end up in the hospital. I sure wish that I hadnt let my husband know that I'm still cutting. I dread my visit with my t next Wednesday. Now that my husband is so upset, he and my pdoc may feel pressured to take more drastic action.

Please everybody keep your fingers crossed.

Julie

[PlanningtoLive]

Julie, I am soooo sorry. My life and yours sound so much the same except your husband is trying to help and talks to your T.

I hope you don't end up going. How long were you in there last time? Did it help you?

Our Ts sound alike as well. I had to call mine tonight because I was so stressed out - at least I called before I did something and he was proud of me.......course I was at work, if I hadn't been, I might not have called.

You still have time to straighten things out with everyone. Work on trying not to cut and tell them how you feel about going to the hospital.

I hope you will be ok........my thoughts are with you 100%.

Mary Alice

[moonlight]

I'm sorry things aren't going too well--the hospital is never a fun prospect--I hope that it doesn't come to that--but if you have to go--some times it can be for the best. You can get your feet under you--I guess I condsider the hospital rock bottom and say to my self, "well things can only get better from here."

How are things with your mom? I can relate to the whole mom being a trigger thing. My mom drives me nuts contantly and she is 1,000 miles away.

So you cut last week and then three weeks before that right? And then your husband thinks that you haven't been cutting since last spring, so how often are you cutting---when did it start after your last hospital stay. Sorry for the laundry list.

So what drugs are you on now?
I hope things start to go better for you--
don't give up hope

<font color=blue> moonlight </font color=blue>

<font color=purple> Whatever you can do, or believe you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
Goethe </font color=purple>

[somebodyelse]

Thanks so much, Mary Alice! I was in for four days last time, but it didn't do anything to help me stop cutting.

I'm trying so hard not to cut; and I'm telling myself that if the urge gets too strong I will try calling my t. ( I just didn't feel good about promising that I would because I might not.)

Thanks again for your support, Mary Alice!

Julie

[heidu]

I'm proud of you too Mary Alice. You did a good thing and it's a huge step to call your T before you cut. It sounds like it was a very positive experience and I hope you will remember that he will be there the next time too as best he can.
Hugs!!!
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[somebodyelse]

Hi Moonlighgt!

Things went great with my mom! I was totally amazed at the effort that she put into making me feel comfortable and to not put any pressure on me! I surely do hope that she will always be like that. Usually, she uses her efforts to make me feel bad abut something.

Yes, I cut last week and three weeks prior to that. I've been cutting every week or two since I was in the hospital, sometimes more often. I only stopped cutting for a few days after my hospital stay. My husband didn't know because I became very careful about cutting in places that wouldn't be noticeable; but last week I made very long cuts and they looked so bad the next morning that I knew he would notice them.

Currently, I'm on Effexor 300 mg p.d., Wellbutrin SR 300 mg p.d., and Xanax 4.5 mg p.d.. I''ve also tried Paxil, Celexa and Lexapro. I'd like to give this new dosage the four weeks to see if it works before going on antipsychotic drugs. My pdoc said that the antipsychotics can have more side effects.

Thanks for your good wishes!

Julie

[Zenobia]

Just a hug {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Julie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson