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#1
Jan 16, 2011, 04:28 PM
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Long five months...I haven't done anything in five whole months and it's felt like an eternity. The urge is so strong...I kind of regressed to the rubber band thing even though I always considered it to be more like self harm than self help...I can't hold ice cubes in school obviously so this was my only alternative.
I keep trying hard but it sucks SO badly right now it's f***ing awful I swear to god! It feels like I'm screaming inside whenever even the slightest trigger occurs and it is HELL. If I look at even a pair of safety scissors for too long I feel like I'm gonna go nuts! This is ridiculous! Am I the only one who's felt this way? Am I going freaking crazy? |
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#2
Jan 17, 2011, 02:28 AM
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To the first question, no. To the second question, probably.
As someone rather new to the notion of not injuring, I probably won't do you much good. If I were you, I would look at it logically and attempt to focus my energy into something empty and cold. Cutting, for you, seems to be like a release of hot, kinetic energy. As you continue being "clean", you increase your potential energy and make yourself more and more uncomfortable. I would weigh my options and attempt to decide what would make me the most comfortable. Is guilt or madness worse? Is craving or pain worse? Is that moment of serenity worth the dissapointed look in the eyes of those to whom I'd made my promises to never SI again? I cannot answer these questions for you. I mutilate because I enjoy it. When I do not, I do not know what to do with myself. Going freaking crazy is an inescapable endpoint for us all. There is no sanity, only the illusion of civility in order to maintain a society fit to raise young. All people only pretend to be sane in order to avoid lonliness. We are all mad. It is a mad, mad world. |
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#3
Jan 17, 2011, 01:17 PM
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Epbm, what has been going on lately that has been making things more difficult?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#4
Jan 23, 2011, 09:21 PM
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The urge is strong...I don't know why. Maybe it's just how long it's been or something.
I still at this point don't even know what some of my triggers are. Why is it so hard? ***** |
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#5
Jan 24, 2011, 11:15 AM
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Understanding ourselves is an undertaking. Are you still going to therapy?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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