I'm scared

I've used SI for about 30 years as a coping tool, but I always cover the scars. Lately I've been thinking about cutting my face. I feel like I'm so transparent and I don't want people to see my pain. If my face is covered with scars, that will be all they see. Rationally I know it's not a good idea, but when I get to very dark places, I have a hard time being rational.

I guess I just thought putting the words out there would get it out of my head...

Hello,

I too have had the horrible thoughts of cutting myself where people would see, including my hands and face. As hard as it is to have these thoughts, please know that they won't last forever. Are there any activities you can do to distract yourself? Is there anybody you can talk to about this? Personally, I like to watch funny tv shows, take walks, and hang out with friends and family. There are other coping tools too, such as snapping a rubber band on your wrist, or holding an ice cube. Just try to find what works for you.

Also, if you ever need to chat with someone, feel free to send me a pm. You are in my thoughts.

Hey Can't stop..
I've been cutting since I was....14? I'm 32 this year and the past few years have been good btu it's a constant struggle of willpower every day not to.

I have been tempted to cut where people see too, and have done so, with bad results.Lots of excuses, lots of lies. it made me feel even worse tthan the usual self-harm.

I dunno if it'll help butI wrote out a big list of all the things I can do that are free or almost free that make me happy, or calm me down when I'm vulnerable. I stuck it on my fridge where I could see it all the time and it helped a bit. Baths, walking outside by trees, watching a favourite comedy, stuff like that. It has to be simple and immediately do-able. Or you won't do it! Distraction all the way.

PLease, come here too, this is a safe place.

Please do not cut your face. You aren't as transparent as you think that you are. Are you talking to your therapist about this?

Lots of hugs. i do think it is very important to talk this over with a therapist if you don't already.

He knows about the cutting and burning on my arms and legs. I haven't told him about wanting to cut my face or my desire to destroy the sexual organs. I don't know why I'm scared to bring it up, he generally isn't very reactive. I'm worried that then he'll know how much of a freak I really am...

you are not a freak. Please remember that.
It's really hard to get around to being honest with your therapist, it took a long time for me to trust mine enough to let her know what was really going on. If you can, please tell him, that's what he's there for. If he judges you for this feelings the he really isn't doing his job. He's there to support you.

But please, these sound like really dangerous thoughts and you need as much love and support as possible right now. Don't feel guilty, don't hate yourself for feeling this way, you are fragile right now and deserve whatever is out there to make you feel safe and strong.

No, he'll just get an idea of how much pain you are in.......