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#1
May 20, 2011, 07:57 PM
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It had been THREE YEARS since I last hurt myself. I thought it was all in the past. That I had moved past it and learned to handle myself better.
But I did it again  I just needed to feel something...I was so numb and I was thinking about what I finally confessed to T, and I felt NOTHING. I wanted to cry, and feel and so I cut. So that I could feel the pain I couldn't feel before. But now I feel like such a failure. How could I resort back to this? And even worse, I keep feeling like doing it again. What is wrong with me?!
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#2
May 20, 2011, 08:44 PM
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3 yrs is a bloody good effort I think!
Nothing is wrong with you. It's all part of the healing process. You will eventually get to a point when you don't feel the need to cut. Might take many years, but you'll get there. |
 *doodles*
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#3
May 21, 2011, 05:28 AM
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you are definately not a failure you just pick up and start again and know it is ok.it is hard when we start to deal with things that we have avoided and it is bound to bring up some old ways of dealing.be gentle with yourselk and give yourself a break.sound like you are working hard on becomming a healthy person
__________________
BEHAVIORS ARE EASY WORDS ARE NOT  Dx, HUMAN Rx, no medication for that |
| *doodles*
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#4
May 21, 2011, 09:01 PM
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Granite is right. Relapse can happen, but it doesn't mean you are a failure. 3 years is a long time to go without self-harm and you should be celebrating that! About 3 months ago, I decided to try and stop self harming, didn't pan out and went back to into it once a month. (give or take) BUT! For the last month I finally stopped.
Knowing people can stop for 3 years is amazing. I applaud you. I have a lot of faith that you can stop again and continue on your road to recovery. 
__________________
"You got to fight those gnomes...tell them to get out of your head!" |
| *doodles*
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#5
May 21, 2011, 10:08 PM
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Thanks! Yeah 3 years is a LONG time. I stopped shortly after I got pregnant with my now 2 year old(so I feel like I am failing her too, since I stopped for her). For her, for fear of someone seeing(lots of dr appts), etc. It got easier as time went on. But now, its like the "voice" is back and thats what I want to do to deal again. Ughhh. And I am afraid to tell T.
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#6
May 21, 2011, 10:21 PM
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Quote:
Kudos on the three years...that is amazing! Don't be too hard on yourself. Working on things from the past can bring back old coping skills. Allow yourself time to heal, when you have a new coping skill to replace the self-harm you can quit again. It CAN be very liberating to tell T. I was so ashamed, telling helped get rid of some of that shame. You are NOT a failure!
__________________
 Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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#7
May 23, 2011, 10:27 AM
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Do you understand what caused the urges to SI?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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