[nicoleb2]

I can't make the bad emotions go away. I just want to feel normal again. My life is so out of control. I want to cut.. at least then I could focus on the physical pain instead of the emotional stuff.

I need to cut... the urges won't go away.. i need to see the blood from cutting

[gma45]

you are not alone people do care!

[leeches]

You don't need to cut, beautiful. It will only make you feel worse in the long run. Stay strong. Sending you love

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

I can't make the bad emotions go away. I just want to feel normal again. My life is so out of control.

The only way to make the emotions go away is to discuss them in therapy. If you do this, eventually you will feel normal again and your life will feel more in control. Stuffed bad emotions do make you feel out of control. They need to come out.

[just2b]

I hear ya!! I want / have cut! just reminds me how messed up I am. scars all over.

[nicoleb2]

Urges are even worse today. They have not been this bad in a long time!

[nicoleb2]

Here I am, 3:00 in the morning, still wanting to cut. I am losing my ability to keep fighting the urges

[Sannah]

Can you contact your therapist?

[nicoleb2]

I saw my T today. It was a tough session. She told me she's frustrated with me because I keep avoiding the emotions, even worse lately than usual. I told her a big part of it right now is because I am physically exhausted (2-3 hours of sleep a night) and am trying to pour all of my energy into functioning right now.

She made me a cd with some relaxation stuff specifically for sleep, so I am hoping that it will help.

I really want to stop hiding from the feelings, but I feel like I am falling apart right now because I am barely functioning.

Still having some urges after my session, but nothing like they were

[Sannah]

I'm glad that your urges are less. Sounds like a good session. I hope the tape works. I can understand how if you are exhausted that it would be hard to face your emotions but maybe your lack of facing your emotions is what is making you exhausted and unable to sleep?

[nicoleb2]

I faced the emotions head on and won for once.

I told my friend (my ONLY friends) about me. The real me. Not the happy face life is grand me.

I told her about the depression (she knew about this, just not the depth of it), the bpd, cutting, suicide attempts... all of it.

I laid it all out and prayed like hell that I wouldn't be abandoned (have a nasty fear of everyone abandoning me).

It worked! I felt SO much better after telling her.

Still not sleeping, but not bursting at the seams anymore either

[nicoleb2]

Today has been tougher. Having more urges again. They are not as bad yet though, but I still want to cut

[Sannah]

[nicoleb2]

I suck. I gave in to the urges last night. I am not telling anyone. I just can't

[larakeziah]

You don't suck! i know how difficult it must have been to hold out so long, i've been fighting the urges for the last few days and i don't think i can hold off much longer. I just take each day as it comes and if i give in i don't see it as a failure just a blip. Do take care and know we are always here

[Sannah]