[findingmy_self95]

Ive been SI all night ND iVE TRIED TO TALK TO PEOPLE AND i EVEN CALLED KIDS HELP AND SPENT HALF AN HOUR ON THE PHONE WITH THEM AND nothing has helped. I just want to cut more and end my life. im just so tired of lving, but i know i wont succeed because i fail at everything so ill mess up my attendance at summer school and fail and have wasted a month of my life for nothing and make myself feel even worse

uhhgh fml ujst wanna die

[littlebitlost]

Hey, I really don't have anything helpful to say but I couldn't just say nothing.

Depression is a bytch, and SI is worse. Have you got a T? Maybe call back the helpline and talk to someone else?

What you're experiencing is serious and very not good.

Hope you're ok. I'm thinking of you and sending you a huge cyber hug.

xxx

[greylove]

I've just read your post three times, Brennan. Your pain is so palpable it is coming through my computer. I want to find words to say to wrap this up neatly and make it go away.........but something that might make a deep impression on you isn't easily forthcoming. What I can tell you is that while our experiences are different, in many ways they are the same. I don't want to go on living but I have tried once to end my life and have failed. I'm sure that I would fail again many times over. It's not that I want to die; it's that I don't want to live.

I was diagnosed very late in life with Bipolar 1 and I have been changed forever. My attempt to take my life was after a spell of extreme mania........followed by depression and paranoid psychosis. Everything that everyone says about suicide doesn't apply to me. But, Brennan, it applies to you. You're on the opposite end of life, as distant from me as night is from day. You are going through a tremendously difficult time........one that you feel is never-ending. It will end. A month is just that; only thirty days of your life. It may feel like a mountain , but in reality it's closer to a molehill. You want help, Brennan. You've reach out and that's hugely important. Good for you phoning the Kids' Helpline. It may not have helped you at the time, but it was a first step to take in a positive direction. Writing in to PC is another. People here care about you more than you can know. Your life is of value to us. We are greatly pained for you; greatly pained for ourselves knowing you are having such a rough time living it.

I don't know what your living situation is. Are you at home? Do you drive? Could you get help finding a good therapist? You would learn alot and get to the bottom of some issues. But please talk here, to us as well. You haven't failed coming here; you've given yourself a huge victory! Please write again, Brennan. Today, tomorrow, every day if you can. We're one thread in that lifeline you're tossing out. Grab on, young friend.........you matter to us. Sending hugs to you and wishes for your well-being. All my best......grey

[findingmy_self95]

I live at home with a depressed father who is a problem drinker. I also live with my 18yr old autistic brother. My mother lives in another home and is also a depressed problem drinker and same with my father only creates negative energy and a negative atmosphere. I just recently got my drivers license and a car so I can get away but no matter how much time I spend away I feel the same when I get home no matter how great my day was. I see a psych every 2 months but the last time I talked to her I felt in control but Im completely loosing it and I dont see her until the 25 OF AUGUST!!!!! Im in deep distress, my wounds seem to be infected slightly but I am watching them and cleaning them carefully but if it does become a concern I can and will seek medical attention for it. Im depressed not stupid :P I still feel like not living, even though I had an incredible day. Not because I dont want to live but because i'm finidng it too hard to live and keep holding on when all life does to me is get worse. Im trying to get help because as you said Im on PC and I contacted kids help. I have had my plan B planned and prepared for a month now, but I don't think I could ever actually go through with it but the way my mind works I could snap at any second and down the pills but atm Im feeling okay enough not to do it. Thank you for caring.

[puzzclar]

It sounds like a hard life, but one wise person once told me, that when things get worse, eventually they have to improve. I know that's true. I've had a plan B, and for 5 years, haven't used it. There are others out there, just like us with a plan B, but they are still living. Life is hard, all give you that one.

Also if you feel like you need to see your psych sooner, DO!!! It could just help.
Sending you support, and safe Good luck, and keep posting, it does help eventually