[beautifuldisaster78]

Don't misunderstand the title of the post- no condemnation. I actually self harm too. I always thought it was just cause I hated myself. Then I had one T that suggested it was the taking care of it afterwards that was part of my reason. Kind of like a soothing thing. It makes sense, but I just don't know.

So just wondering from everyone... why do you self harm?

[SoupDragon]

1. To deal with overwhelming feelings
2. To pacify sui thoughts
3. Because I crave it

[nicoleb2]

I cut because even though it's temporary, it gives me something to focus on other than the emotions I am feeling. I have control over the physical pain where I don't with the emotional.

[Catlovers141]

-For self-punishment
-For relief of anxiety
-A release of anger (usually at myself so probably a part of self-punishment)

I used to do it partly for the self-care afterward too. It felt good to create a situation where I was harmed and then make it better. I guess an artificial replica of things going on in life? I don't know about you, but I have a hard time taking care of myself in general so for me and maybe for you it is a way to accomplish that.

[dismantle.repair]

- To pacify me and stop my overwhelming thoughts.
- To feel.
- Because I think I deserve to feel pain/be miserable.

There are probably a hundred different reasons. I don't really care anymore. It's been 30 something years of hurting myself and I don't want to stop and I'm not trying to stop anymore.

[agma]

I injure to numb strong emotions and because I am addicted. I like to feel the pain and see the blood.

[beautifuldisaster78]

I was thinking another thing too for me as I've been reading your posts. It's also a control thing. Something I can be in control of

[Flooded]

1. Because I can

2. Out of anger. Would rather hurt me than one of my kids.

3. I like the external pain and blood

[siljie]

I am no longer a self harmer(or at least not the stereotypical "cutting"). I however struggled with it soo much in 6th and 7th grade - but then I began HATING myself even more for doing it, because of the hideous scars it left behind which led to so much resentment that I swore to never do it again, no matter how much emotional anguish I am in. I did it because of depression, deep suffocating darkness and loneliness and because I felt everything was my fault and I deserved it and all I wanted to do was be dead. And anger, I leashed it all out on myself. So much feelings. But I mustn't do it again. Ever.

[puzzclar]

~Control
~To abuse myself because of all the things that have happened
~To feel something physical when things just seem to hard to handle
~partly due to my past, addiction, childhood troubles

[just2b]

I have to admit that all reasons mentioned is why I do it...strangely the day I was gonna stop and get a tatoo to cover it up I lashed out on my right arm. The left is scared enough and that is the arm i was gonna get a tatoo on. That was 3 days ago, today, I got the tatoo on my left arm and have 3 day old scars on my right. I think / thought I was done with this...but just as the thought came so did the action. I am tired of the vicious cycle it causes. My tatoo says "Just Breathe" and has initals of three important people on each flower. Two of them always tell me to "Just Breathe" when I am in crisis and want to cut. So with that I hope to stop, but again I feel i can not predict the outcome of my behavior when in emotional turmoil. I like the pain caused by the cutting.

[beautifuldisaster78]

Ironically that's kinda what happened to me. Had a tattoo picked out and everything and was going to get it to cover my scars. Like a week later I cut in the same spot. Guess I won't be getting a tattoo for awhile. Not sure I like the pain so much as the control. Kind of rebellion thing I guess, there are a lot of really controlling people in my life. I agree though- spontaneous impulsive behavior runs rampant in an emotional crisis.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

to deal with the seemingly unbearable feelings of impending persecution, ridicule, or punishment.

I have to beat "them" to it.

B.

[just2b]

Strangely enough, today i got a tatoo that says Just breathe with 3 flowers to represent 3 important people, am I coming off the high from the tatoo or am I beginning to regret my decision because the reaction from someone wasnt what I was hoping. Damn it!! This makes me want to cut my right arm! To my right arm which i have 3 day old scars that are still red. **ck if i know if I will ever stop, thought this was in the right direction!

[just2b]

so much for the meaning behind the tatoo, just f'd up my right arm!!

I used to self harm but I self harm less. A couple of days I self harmed because I felt angry and upset because of someone. But I wasn't feeling myself and this played a part too. But I need to find other ways to lash out and get my feelings out. I used to do other stuff (Strangling myself) to get my anger out. I should punch a pillow if I get angry or write out my feelings. Thankfully my medication stops my crazy moments and mood swings.

[suzzie]

(((((((((just2b)))))))))

[beautifuldisaster78]

(((just2b))) I'm sorry that you were feeling that way. You know (and speaking to myself here too) a tattoo may help cover the issues but it won't fix or stop them. So I hope you dont get mad that you got the tattoo, I think it's a great reminder for you. And I pray that you, and all of us, can work through the deeper issues that cause us to lash out against ourselves. Thank you all for so many responses. Dont know about you but it gives me some insight into myself as well.

[febedebe]

I used to self-harm almost reflexively - now many years later since my last self-harm action I find myself stuck trying to not but desperately wanting the relief that I used to feel. I know I can cope better now but a recent incident has placed me in an old place in my head. I have tried talking to "normal" people about how I feel and they just get scared and instead of being able to work through these feelings they are building with no outlet and the self-harm urges grow by the hour.

I want relief. I want to pain that I feel to be outside so that it is not stuck in my head and so that it is real. I feel like the pain of what has happened is cutting off my oxygen and my will to continue on gets zapped from time to time. I have not done anything (promised to not do anything) but the struggle to keep my promise seems as paralyzeing as the feelings themselves I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone - I know that self-harm is an option I have chosen to remove from my list of possibilities but I am running out of other things that might bring some relief.

[suzzie]

sometimes to release pain
sometimes because things feel hopeless
sometimes to feel pain and see it

[scooby0407]

hi i am new here. i have bipolar and last year was a major turning point in it, i had never cut until then. i think i did it cause i was manic, very angry and maybe i just viewed it as the one thing i could control as opposed to the several things i couldnt

[mistyeyed]

It calms me down. I could be crying to the point of dry heaves and all it takes is a few cuts and I miraculously stop. Just stop. No more tears, no more chest pain that accompanies a really really heavy cry.. all the anxiety goes away and it's almost like I can't imagine the pain was there in the first place. The mood after I cut is just eerily numb

[leeches]

It depends... Sometimes I cut because I need to feel something; sometimes to feel nothing; to feel better; as a release; because I deserve it; because it works; because I don't know anything else...

[Xeneon]

I no longer self harm but when I did it was release the anger.