How do I tell T

I have cut, 5 or 6 times in the past week. I fill out a diary card (dbt thing) daily. I should be marking on there that I cut all of those days, but I haven't been able to make myself yet.

How do I admit to my T that I have done this? How do I get past the shame of what I have done?

I just want to pretend it didn't happen and move on

I generally show mine depending where it is. She can usually tell though due to the crappy look on my face.

Mine are all on my stomach, so not comfortable with showing them.

For me to admit to her that I have done this, and this many times, makes me a failure. I have failed myself, I have failed her, I have failed the process

It's not a failure, it's a stumble. No one is perfect, and that you regret it- or at least feel ashamed of the cuts- show that you don't want to continue SI-ing. It's not failure unless you decide to stop trying. Keep going, it'll get easier, I promise!

How can I tell her that so many times, for so many different days, I kept cutting, I still am cutting, i don't know how to stop it now. I'm not even sure i want to stop. It does what i need it to and then i am done for the day

You have to be open to get the most out of therapy. I hate the word failure. I don't even use it. It is so brutal and negative and mean. You are not failing Nicole. You are working REALLY HARD to get better and you are doing your very best in a very difficult situation. Compassion for yourself please? Being open to a trusted person about what you feel shame about is very liberating. Facing these fears releases them.

I did it again. I cut again last night. I don't think i have ever cut this frequently. I don't know what to do anymore

Maybe it's time you went to the ER Nic. It's not right you're feeling so low and alone

Can you call your therapist?

Can't do the ER. Not going inpatient. No way. Never again.

I see my T on thursday. I will be ok till then. I just need to get more sleep. I'm on a new med, but it seems to make me sleepy too long after i take it. I just feel flat all the time now. Maybe that'll change if I continue to take it

I just discovered that the bracelet I have been wearing since the day my mom died is missing. I feel like a piece of me is gone. It was my honor to her. I am so distraught over this. I know some people will find this stupid, but i really want to cut. I want all the sadness and self-criticism to go away!

I am filling out my diary cards for the last couple of weeks. I have managed to check off that I cut on the days I did. I am SO anxious about this appointment. I have totally failed myself and my therapist. I was supposed to be getting better, instead I am doing worse, much, much worse

Can you take that sleep med earlier then? Digging into issues in therapy can make you worse rather then better at first. This is totally normal.

Sorry about that bracelet. Hopefully it will turn up eventually. It is okay to be sad about something like this. Please don't criticize yourself for responding normally to a loss. You are human you know. We do get sad.

I'm going to try to take my meds earlier tonight, but with kids, I have to be able to function at least until they go to sleep, so it's hard.

As for responding normally to grief, I know it's normal, but I still want to push it away. I am learning to accept it as part of the process, but I still keep going back to my old ways