[Wysteria]

I'm in trouble...I have to start this IOP tonight and have been super depressed all weekend and have been SIing all weekend and can't hide it....I've made a mess. Can't deal with this and can't go back...and emailed T for help with depression, and he hasn't responded and don't even want to leave the house. I signed an agreement last week for sui tend, and I think it said something about si but don't remember what it said, and they didn't give me copy.

I've can't even put my watch on..I have no idea what I'm going to do. My T is going to be so mad at me if I don't go to this group. I had this licked for a while and now it's come back worse than ever.... I'm so afraid and panicking and it's 3am and I have to think of something and of course what I'm thinking is NOT the right thing to do... God will this ever end???

[Sanada]

Hang in there. Don't be put off by a relapse. I used to si loads, and I still have the urge. What you need to do is think about you're self.

Dont be worried about scars or cuts that people can see, try to look @ why you cut. Me, I used to cut all the time. I woke in physical pain, and tried to hide my cuts. That meant long tops, shirts (to cover my arms). I found though that only looking at why I cut did I find the cure to not cut.

I was lost, lonely, without friends, felling like I lived on the moon. I never wanted to cut, it was something I never thought, never even dreamed of that I would do; it was something 'I' would do to myself. So I have had to look at myself for the reasons why I would cut myself. Then I found ans to questions. I did not like what I found inside, but I have to be me.
I am not ashamed of myself, I am .......like you, a good person.

I understand why you cut, it is a feeling of release and of being in control of something when feeling out of control.

Do not change you're self. The way I see self harm is I look at my self, I self harmed big time. I 'am' still me though, a good person. Certain situations arrive in life. Things that we could never predict, but 'we' are still our self's. Good People.

You're T should be supportive of you so don't worry to much about another's opinion, a T is for support, and there to help you. You do have to be anything other than you're self.

The world is full of others opinions, you're's is the most important.
Love you're self.

I do under stand how it feels, its like trying to gain control when feeling out of control.

PC stopped me cutting, when I came here, I suddenly stopped..

Thank you, and thank you PC, and thank you all members of PC.

[Omers]

Hi WB,
Have you cleaned everything up, antibiotics and bandages?
Yes, when these kinds of things come back they came back harder than before. You are strong you can do this!
What part of the SI/depression is keeping you from group?

I'm here. e is still sleeping. we can talk on the thread, you can PM me... what ever you need. I am right here.

[Sannah]

Going to the group is really distressing for you?

[Wysteria]

Hi Sannah

Yeah..it was..turned out to awful and like 13 people half of which were only a "little" depressed or whatever and the T called me out for my depression scores and stuff on the check in sheet..

Talked to T today and he said I don't have to go back because it is too large, but I have to go and see him tomorrow and face all the things I've been sending him..including the letter and a poem and deal with finding some other support group...

Omers has been wonderful about scraping me off the floor and propping me back up.. I don't know what I would have done without her kindness...

I know I have to deal with this SI issue all over again now...Just can't believe how fast it rematerialized and how powerful it could get while in remission or whatever..

Thanks Sanada for your kind reply and for the chat the other night..

WB