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#1
Sep 11, 2011, 12:32 AM
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I feel so flat, so lifeless right now. I am not having emotions, I am just here.
I am nothing. I want to cut, to feel something, to feel alive. If I see the blood, I will know that I am alive. To have proof that I am in there somewhere. I can't keep living feeling nothing. I would rather have sadness than nothing at all. I just sit here... i just exist. |
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#2
Sep 11, 2011, 03:42 PM
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Hi nicoleb2 - I can really relate to this - T tells me to do grounding stuff, but it is easier said than done. Can you focus on your breathing, your abdomen going up and down and the warm air coming out of your nose, to remind yourself that you do exist? Keep safe - Soup
__________________
Soup |
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#3
Sep 11, 2011, 03:47 PM
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Nicole I am sorry to hear you, I do not have a solution but I remember that I had a bad time and sort it by jogging and if you do hard you can feel pain and you will not make injury to you.
I know it is not solution but my experience. |
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#4
Sep 11, 2011, 08:35 PM
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I am finding it hard to come up with words today.
I spent the day with my husband and kids at my in-laws. While he helped them get ready for their garage sale, I sat.. and sat... and sat. All I could think about was how easy it would be to come home and take too many pills. To make it all go away. To make the endless sadness, pain, and numbness stop. I know that it is not a solution, which is why i have not done it. I want to cut instead. I want to feel the pain, to see my own blood flowing... at least then, I will not be so numb, i will feel something |
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#5
Sep 11, 2011, 09:11 PM
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You might be having a med reaction, you should call your pdoc asap. This is part of how I was feeling on the topamax before.
__________________
Bipolar Disorder I, PTSD, GAD When it is darkest, we can see the stars. –Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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#6
Sep 11, 2011, 09:13 PM
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Oh Nicole...
 I don't really know what to say, but I didn't want to ignore your post, as I can imagine how you're feeling. I don't know what to suggest, because I know where you're coming from, and I've not really found a way of dealing with it yet other than waiting for it to pass - which it will, it always has before xx When do you next see your T? Are they aware of this problem and do they help you with it? How do they usually advise you? |
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#7
Sep 11, 2011, 09:19 PM
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I see my T on wednesday. She knows how numb i've been... she doesn't yet know how bad the suicidal thoughts have gotten... i suppose I'm going to have to tell her. i don't want to though.
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#8
Sep 11, 2011, 09:49 PM
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I know it's hard to tell T these things. Hold on, and stay safe xx
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#9
Sep 12, 2011, 09:41 AM
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Yes, I do hope that you tell your T everything that is going on with you. Is going to your inlaws not a good thing for you? Have you been talking about your feelings in therapy?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#10
Sep 12, 2011, 11:46 AM
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I hate going to my inlaws, mostly when I know one sister in law is going to be there. She has said some pretty nasty stuff about me. It's not just that that triggered everything. I'm just tired of either being depressed or numb. I think i prefer depressed. At this point I am just going through the motions. I am not feeling anything. I just want it to stop.
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 Sannah
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#11
Sep 12, 2011, 12:25 PM
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Quote:
To feel is hard when feeling 'flat and emotionless'. I feel sometimes flat and emotionless, a lot or too much: but I am feeling. Thats better than nothing at all ( just in my opinion ). I feel alive and both up and down..  .. Please feel better nic. Sanada |
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#12
Sep 12, 2011, 04:24 PM
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I cut last night. Figured it was better than the alternative.
Really hoping it doesn't get infected.. pretty deep this time... should have had stitches cause of the way it's pulling apart, but it's too late for that now... I don't want to be me anymore |
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#13
Sep 13, 2011, 12:32 PM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#14
Sep 14, 2011, 05:57 AM
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I see T today. This is going to be a really hard session. I am super anxious and would rather cancel. I need to get her opinions on the med change issue, so we'll see how that goes
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#15
Sep 15, 2011, 11:16 AM
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How did your appt. go? (I just read your thread about the session so you don't have to answer this).
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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