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#1
Sep 08, 2011, 11:10 PM
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Did quite a bit of damage to my upper arm... been telling people it was my cats, but I don't think they're buying it (only fellow band members saw it). Long story short, I've been REALLY needing some permanent & reliable personal time to myself. B/F (that I broke up w/a month ago) has gotten a new job w/same hours as me. He's ALWAYS here when I'm here (still lives w/me in my house).
He promised to move out ASAP, but is constantly borrowing money from me for food/gas/cigs/pot, etc. (generally DELAYING...) I want my money back, but after he pays me back, he will STILL have no money to move out w/this weekend. AGAIN!!!! If I don't give him money, he f'king sulks all evening & I want to punch his face in for being such an ungrateful f'ck to begin with. Fighting homicidal tendencies at this point. Cut hard & deep (7 times) to keep from harming him physically. Just can't take it anymore... 3 weeks & no more than 15 minutes a day to myself... Been having SUI thoughts the whole while. I WANT MY LIFE BACK OR I WANT IT TO END!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
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#2
Sep 08, 2011, 11:28 PM
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I hate to say, but at this time It seems like your safety is an issue, Is there anyway that either you can talk with a professional, or go to your nearest ER.
I know people don't like hearing this (myself included), but sometimes it is the best thing for you at this time, to get help. Asking for Help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of wanting to change. Stay safe, or ask for help. |
 Salmacis
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#3
Sep 08, 2011, 11:41 PM
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Thanks, Puzzcar! I have my mom on call right now... she's about an hour & 1/2 away... but I'm almost afraid she'd like to throttle my ex more than I would!! I'll be safe... probably too drunk to do anything proper now (a blessing & a curse). :-P
I definitely want to change... but my T insists I'm incapable of change until I stop drinking. Which I think is BS. I never ASKED to be taken advantage of. I'm just too generous for my own good & it pisses me off when it's not appreciated or reciprocated. Anyway, if I call anyone now, it will have to be 911 & I'll be issued a 72-hour hold. Can't afford that... My mom (if I called her) would insist on the same. I have a slew of feral cats (and permanent indoor cats) that I am responsible for feeding 2 x day. Can't let them down... |
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#4
Sep 09, 2011, 02:47 AM
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Quote:
Is there any way at all you can tell him to just go and stay with some other band members or friends or something for a few days to give you some space? maybe not move out THIS weekend, but just to get him out of your hair for a while?? Give him a deadline of next weekend to move his **** out and tell him to find some other place to land in the meantime? If he's not helping with rent..you have no obligation morally to keep him in cigs/food or anything else and maybe he'll go into debt with someone else?? Here's hoping!! Let him mope...if he's working he can pay you back and find his own place...I wouldn't enable his ***** any more than you have to.. Please stay safe and protect yourself..  WB 
__________________
 Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside, Dreams... Who looks inside, Awakens... - Carl Jung |
| Salmacis
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#5
Sep 09, 2011, 12:05 PM
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The mooch needs the boot..............
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| Salmacis
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#6
Sep 09, 2011, 08:48 PM
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You got that right, Sannah... Got my money back today, but now he's disappeared... for how long, I don't know. I have private things I like to do... be it write in my journal, take a proper bath, listen to my music up as loud as it will go, etc... Ugh. Can't wait until this BS is over with. Need him gone & need to change the locks!
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| Sannah
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#7
Sep 09, 2011, 09:32 PM
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Quote:
Hope he's gone for the night and you get a little peace and quiet...if he's not on the lease and hasn't paid rent for Sept..can you change the locks tomorrow? ..He can always come and move out on your schedule..not his.. Good luck!! WB
__________________
Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart. Who looks outside, Dreams... Who looks inside, Awakens... - Carl Jung |
| Salmacis
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#8
Sep 10, 2011, 12:16 PM
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Thanks, Wysteria!
Sadly, I kinda screwed myself on this deal. I own my house & invited him to move in with me almost 2 years ago... so no lease or anything. Ugh. Just trying to not lose my mind. He was supposed to get more money yesterday (last check from his previous job), but he told me it was sent to the wrong address and they need to issue him a new one. Crap! At least he's out mowing the lawn right now, so I get a chance to come on here! :-D
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#9
Sep 12, 2011, 09:29 AM
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Why can't you do these things while he is around?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| Salmacis
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#10
Sep 12, 2011, 09:55 PM
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For whatever reason, I have a DEEP need for a certain amount of "alone time" daily. When I don't get it, I kinda go nuts... It's nothing personal to him. I'd feel the same if anyone else was around also. I just don't live well w/others...
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#11
Sep 13, 2011, 12:37 PM
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Sounds like a boundary issue?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#12
Sep 14, 2011, 08:59 PM
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Maybe like I feel people are always invading my boundaries? If so, then yes... but I have a large territorial bubble. Hard to know if they're being intrusive or I just don't really like anyone getting close to me.
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#13
Sep 15, 2011, 11:19 AM
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It is up to you to maintain your boundaries. You can't leave this up to others. For you in this situation it sounds more like weak emotional boundaries, like you "absorb" those around you. You can work on this and strengthen yourself and build your own identity so that you aren't so vulnerable to others. You had to tend to the needs of others at your expense when you were growing up? Having healthy boundaries are taught and some of us weren't fortunate enough to have families with heathy boundaries.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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