I want out

So tjen I guess like everything else I'm just a hugeness up. I have people I know I can rely on and know who I can't. So basically I'm just an ***!

When I had all of my problems that I hadn't worked through yet I never thought it was hopeless. It doesn't have to be hopeless. Do you get overwhelmed with it all?

Everyone needs a break at some point in their lives. Maybe yours just wasn't taken at the right time. And you are wrong things are never over until you are dead. Everyday things will get easier even if you aren't realizing it. Talk to the people around you make them care.

Yes !!! Which was why I let the t and pdoc push me into the meds. Now all I feel is worse...like the walking dead! I feel like a fool for trusting them. I think that I was better off before I went to them...they seem to have made things worse.

How do you make people care when they have ignored you for three years and all you've done is try?

Maybe you can try to focus on one thing at a time? If you are feeling worse on meds can you talk to your pdoc about this? (I'm pretty sure that I have asked you this before).

Yes, you have.
But in all honesty I know I can't do this on my own. I was forced by a friend to stay over their house the other night because they were scared that I'd Hirt myself. After a few hours I had to go home, they are only one block away.
Both the t and pdoc mentioned months ago spending sometime in a hospital, I'm starting to consider it, but I'm really scared! Unfortunately, at this point things are getting really bad!!!!!

Why don't you want to stay in the hospital?

I'm scared but I suppose that anyone in this situation would be! I also wonder what effect it will have on the rest of my life...will I have insurance issues, will work findout, would anyone ever want to marry some who's been in a psych facility.
Sometimes I think that it's the right thing for me know but, at what cost in the end?

By the way I want to thank you and the few others who have been responding. Somehow it's been helpful to be able to ask these questions...probably because of the aninimity. But also the care and concern you've all shown.

I don't see a difference between having issues or staying in the hospital? They both mean the same thing. You could get to a better place by staying in the hospital.

I'm talking about it with my docs. I'm still not 100% convinced about going I have a lot of questions!!!!

Ask those questions!! Keep us posted...........

Ive been asking questions and finding out about coverage. After meeting with my t, I felt pressured. I'm supposed to meet w/the pdoc next week, he's been mentioning this in the past.
After having a few days of "clarity" I have really been trying hard and I don't know if I'm up to giving in and giving up-I don't want to be hospitalized.

Being hospitalized is giving up?

Yes, it means that I didn't try to help myself and that I just gave up! Which is why I'm trying!

You can't get better by yourself. To get better a person must taken advantage of opportunities and resources.

Yes, but if I don't try on my own for once then I'll never know if I can do it. Being in a hospital and not trying isn't going to help either. The past week has been better. I know that there are a lot of things to deal with and it will take time, but if I don't try to help myself then who will...no one. I want to try.

I had to give up on my T because my job will not give a raise or give better coverage. I was doing better what am I supposed to do now?

I'm sorry River. Can you talk to your T and see if you could work something out?

I did about a year ago. I told him resently why I couldn't see him because I made a promise to some that I would he said he speak to me next week. I don't even know if it's worth it only because the last time I spoke about it he said what I pay him now is the lowest he can go plus he doesn't take insurance...which is why I'm stuck. Why does going for help have robe this way? It's cheeper to just give up!

Cheaper but not better. Please don't give up River. Let me know how the talk with him goes. Hopefully he can help you problem solve this.

I told him that I would hear what he has to say and I'm still waiting for him to call. What do I do if he doesn't want to continue? I'm having a hard time trying to go on. What if he doesn't want to see me anymore?

If he can't see you because of financial issues hopefully he can help you to see someone else who can see you for a cheaper price. You have to keep problem solving River.

I was supposed to speak to mt T tonight but of course something came up. He said tomorrow...we'll see! I'm still waiting forthe bomb to drop!!
And I haven't seen him in3 weeks now

I saw my T... I know that I should continue with therapy but I'm scared part ofme wants to talk to him and tell him everything, but I can't seem to get the words out. It would be so much easier to just keep everything to myself and keep it hiden. I don't think I can talk to anyone! At least here I say what I feel without anyone knowing the real me. I don't want to go on like this it's to hard