[NeverStoppedCrying]

I am lost. My cries for help have been turned down, pushed away, dismissed, or simply ignored.
When I very young, I tried to tell my mom about the feelings I now think I found a word for: depersonalization. She thought I was being a silly child and dismissed it. I have been depersonalizing for as long as I can even remember.
I have tried, a bit, to tell my parents about my problems with anxiety and depression. They say it's "Just a phase", but that, too, has been a nearly life-long problem.
When my best friend went to the school counselor about my cutting, they mostly ignored it, then went to the other counselor, who called my dad a few weeks later and told him that I self-harmed. My dad didn't take it seriously, not really. He told me not to. Took away the blades. He told me I did it because I am lazy and don't get enough exercise, he told me I liked the feeling of it just like he liked playing guitar.
-.- I mean, really?
My mom noticed that I was acting depressed and she told me I was "such a teenager" and I needed to do more chores around the house...
Today has been a horrible mess of blood and tears. My shin has cuts running up the side. My stomach is still bleeding. My wrist stings where the razor ran through the skin. This morning, I was very, very irritable for no real reason and I was extremely sad and pissed off at the same time. My parents were making out right in front of me and I found it not only extremely disgusting but it also made me really mad. I was digging my nails deeper and deeper into my skin and my father was saying gross stuff to my mom and I just needed it to stop. I called out to my mom and my voice came out very rough and gravely because I have been psychically for quite a while now. My parents started laughing at me and my mom asked what I had to whine about now and I got so upset I... well, I chucked a book at her. It wasn't hard or anything, but now I'm grounded. I am not supposed to be on the computer right now but I honestly don't care. My dad has been screaming at me all day. I have apologized countless times and I try to explain that I felt mistreated but my mom tells me that I should never disrespect her and that I did a horrible thing. Apparently the book scratched her and she had a small faded pink mark on her arm for a few minutes. My parents say they have to punish me every time I am depressed or angry so they can stop my bad behavior... this is coming from the mom who storms out of the house every other day and caused a huge mark in the wall when she threw a plate at me in frustration (and missed) and the father who used to choke me and still verbally abuses me! I only want to be forgiven so I can explain how I am feeling. I just want them to forget for at least a minute so I can talk to them. I want them to listen to me, but I only get punishment.
I have been feeling extremely suicidal and depressed for the past few days. Today I started crying for no apparent reason-- everything makes me want to cry-- and my mom yelled at me. She told me to suck it up, quit whining/complaining, and either make my self useful or stay in my room. Here I am, in my room.
I have been cutting cutting cutting cutting cutting cutting cutting cutting all day long. I have to limp because my leg hurts so much where I cut.

[unaluna]

Go back to the school counselor and ask them to please help you get your family into family therapy. Or maybe somebody else here can suggest how to accomplish this. You are too smart and too valuable to be suffering like this. Or at least you need to see a t or a pdoc. I don't understand why your parents are so clueless.

I wish I knew what to say... Just, I feel your pain, I've been there, and I know it's not easy. Like Hankster suggested, maybe getting some therapy as a family could help. I don't know your situation, but I feel like you need to speak to someone - is there any way you could ask your parents to get you in to see a therapist, or see the counsellor at school? I just feel like you need to be heard, like, really heard. I know it's not nice to be alone with your feelings. I wish I could have got into therapy sooner, and I think it could really help you if it's at all an option. You're parents need to realise that you're not 'such a teenager' but a young person with very real concerns and emotions that need to be addressed. Getting so upset shouldn't just be written off as part of growing up, hun

Meanwhile, be kind to yourself, listen to some Linkin Park on full volume (they do indeed rawk!) and keep posting here with us. Sending you hugs

[NeverStoppedCrying]

Thank you both so much It means a lot.

[alwaysrejoice]

poor thing. It sounds like you are alone and hurting real bad. I took all the pills in the medicine cabinet when I was very young and my mom just told me not to play around with medicine? Im 32 and my parents STILL don't believe me about how I feel. I've come to the conclusion that they feel like it's THEIR fault if I didnt turn out perfect, so they just choose to pretend what im going through is not a big deal. Everyone is right you have to get some help. You can't do this alone. go to your counselor again or maybe even talk to a teacher that you trust. Anytime you feel upset just post it here. No one will judge you. Keep in touch.

[NeverStoppedCrying]

Originally Posted by alwaysrejoice

poor thing. It sounds like you are alone and hurting real bad. I took all the pills in the medicine cabinet when I was very young and my mom just told me not to play around with medicine? Im 32 and my parents STILL don't believe me about how I feel. I've come to the conclusion that they feel like it's THEIR fault if I didnt turn out perfect, so they just choose to pretend what im going through is not a big deal. Everyone is right you have to get some help. You can't do this alone. go to your counselor again or maybe even talk to a teacher that you trust. Anytime you feel upset just post it here. No one will judge you. Keep in touch.

Thank you very much

[Sanada]

I have no words to say that could heal you're wounds. I can only send you emotional power through the air.
It sounds like you're parents need to learn that they have someone to love (you).
Try to find some advise in some peers that you may have. Be careful though because some people dont understand why we feel the way we do.
I can only say 'look after you're self'. Please.

Love you're self. You are a gift.
Don't let anybody take that away from you.

Take good care.

[LyingSweetie]

This is my advice:
First, love yourself! tell yourself you are worthy and deserve respect / love just as much as anybody else.
Secondly, I would say give up on your parents, my parents are similar and from my experience trying to change them only hurts you more. No one who I've talked to has ever come to terms with their abusive / negligent parents until decades later when old age softens the parents and lends compassion/understanding to the adult-child
Do what you can to stay away from their bad influence and their abuse, and dont try to fight with them / talk to them right now because it only wastes time and scars your heart. stay silent and strong and start becoming independent from your parents. when you can support yourself you don't have to put up with their **** anymore

I'm sorry I can kinda relate. My mum is horrible to me. When she does, I get depressed and I feel like I need to hurt myself.

[Sannah]

NSC, you are where you are because of the emotional environment that your parents are providing for you. Childhood is for emotional development and when our parents don't do a good job helping with the emotional development it leaves us with issues. It doesn't surprise me that your parents aren't able to help you because they probably have no further skills then what they are presently showing. A therapist is really, really important. Have you asked them for a therapist? Please stop hurting yourself because your parents lack skills and knowledge.