I have an urge to cut *Triggering*

I'm crying and tears are falling down my face as I type this out. I wish this pain stopped. I don't like my "mother". She's more of a stranger to me. I wish she was never my mother. This is harsh but I wish she died. That person causes me so much misery that there is a point where I have an urge to cut myself. She called my brother a gormless s**t just because he asked a question to my mum. She say I can't do things for myself and that I act like a 2 year old. I wish someone could be there for me now. I feel sad. I wish this pain gone away. I wish I could cut myself now. I want to bleed. It will take away the pain that she causes me. She's having a go at me just because I was in bed around about 3pm. From then, she has been horrible to me. She has called me a lazy mare and all sorts. She is nice to me after but expects me to be happy. She made me cry? When she is horrible to me, I just feel so depressed that I need to cut myself. I wish I could have a knife here and I want the blood to come out and this is the negative emotions releasing...

Thank you mother for making me want to cut myself. I deserve better but I feel cutting is the only punishment I deserve. I deserve to cut myself. This is punishment. I should try to hang myself or strangle myself. I wish this pain stopped. I haven't hurt myself but I'm thinking about cutting. The only way I can get better is by cutting myself. I need it. Knife is a good friend to me. He can help me realise that I deserve to ruin my skin and for blood to come down my skin. I feel better as I think of cutting myself in my mind. Other people deserve happiness but me? I deserve pain as I am a horrible person.

I'm sorry Please don't be harsh.

((((happycheeks)))))

I know the urge to cut is so tempting as I feel the same atm but please try and distract, I know that it is easier said than done but try and ignore your mums comments.

You are not a horrible person at all, You're lovely and kind

I'll distract myself with music or I'll watch funny videos. Thanks

It works for me

That's good. I haven't hurt myself.

thinking of you. Hope you're feeling a bit better now, stay safe

Thank you, I'm feeling better now.

Have you ever told your mum that she hurts your feelings?

I do try but I don't think she ever cares. I didn't hurt myself by the way.

I'm so glad that you didn't hurt yourself. If you tell her and it doesn't seem to affect her maybe you can work on putting an emotional boundary between you 2 so that she can't hurt you so much?