is there another way...

i understand why ts dont talk about s/i-ing. because your working on it. but i think that works best when you go weekly. cause then you just have a short span of time before you work at it again. and if you can keep working at it frequently. you can change it. i dont think it works so well with long stretches of time between sessions. too much time to do it alot before finally "working" on it again. and a long time to try and not again. i think you just slowly get worse this way. there has to be another way. when you cant go to t weekly. or maybe there is no hope.

What about writing about the things you normally would work on in sessions? It could help. If you need an example of what type of things to write about, I'm doing it so people can see. (view my blog below) All I know is it's possible to go a few weeks without a session, but it's hard!!! It's not meant for all people, and posting here helps as well.

Any time when I have had to go for very long in sessions, I come here and post. That's one of the reasons I haven't cut more than I have.
I also have the ability to call or text my T between sessions as needed, which is helpful sometimes

Suzzie, can you talk to your T about this?

im scared to. she thinks everything is fine. i dont think she realizes that it is so hard. i guess for her its probably not. she has no clue. im also scared she will think its nothing. and that im silly for bringing it up. i should be fine between. the time shouldnt matter really. i am not trying enough. i know im wrong. i really am scared to mention it to her. im scared its nothing. or inappropriate for me. its not a issue i should have. its wrong. i dont want to annoy her.

Suzzie, what you are experiencing is so normal and your T realizes this. All of these messages to yourself that you just wrote above need to be challenged and by you talking to your T about this, it will challenge all of your assumptions. I'm sure these assumptions have been haunting you your whole life and keeping you isolated. It is time for you to leave these behind.

i just want to be the kind of client my t likes having. i dont want her to not like working with me. i dont know if she will like it. im supposed to be easy. but will try and talk about it in an email to her tomorrow. but if i do i will have to face it in session. and i dont know what she will think. i wish i knew her likes and dislikes better.

It's perfectly fine to be a difficult client, it presents a challenge for the t. Just talk to her.

i did it. emailed t about it this morning.

I'll bet that your T likes a client who she can help and the best way that she can help you is if you are honest with her. I'm sure that she doesn't want a client who just wants to please her. Healthy people like people who are real. I'm glad that you emailed her.

my t emailed back. and she agreed its hard with the time between sessions. but that was it. i dont understand what she wants me to learn.

I see a few options. 1. get in with your t (if you can) 2. find another that is just as good but has more time to help.

But if nether works because of other insurance/financial obligations, then it's time to find something that will help you. It may not be just because she wants you to learn something, it could be something completely different.

Is there a specific reason why you have such a big gap between sessions? If you don't mind me asking.

Can you talk to her about this in session?

i cant. i dont talk hardly. just waste my ts time. i dont know why i go. my t does all the talking and work. i waste the whole time being scared. thats why i am allowed to email. i dont talk. but she doesnt answer them always. mostly not. so i dont like emailing really. its ok though. thank you

Is there someone else that could be better for you?? that you could open up to?

i really do like my t. and she is trying. i guess my posts make her look like shes not. but she is good. i would have trouble opening up to anyone. its me thats the problem. not her. im the same irl too. i keep quiet alot. on pc i say much more than normal.

Have you ever talked about the reasons why it is hard to talk?

no. but she did ask me a couple times why im afraid to talk.

I think that it would be good to talk to her about why you are afraid to talk. It can really be helpful.

i have too much fear in general. maybe thats the problem. i cant shake it. it has me locked up.

I wish I knew what else I could say to help....

Can you talk about fear then?

maybe. im trying to. but its so strong.

had t the other day. at the end i asked about when we should book next. she said we couldnt meet thanksgiving week. so to make it for after that. she thought about it for a minute. (so did i. i thought no not so long again. it doesnt go good.) then she said that will be a month again. and asked if i could come sooner. now its only two weeks.

maybe my emailing about this did help a bit.

Your needs can only be met if you make them known. I hope you gained some confidence with this and make your needs known more often.