Want to cut again. feel very anxious tonight

i can feel a panic attack coming on i am breathing so fast i feel light headed and my heart is pounding. i haven't cut myself in 3weeks and now i so badly want to do it. i dont even really know why. i have finally got an appointment with a psychologist next week and am nervous about it. i dont want anyone to know because im ashamed of my past and dont want anyone to find out why im going. i'm afraid of the questions she will ask and talking about what i have to talk about. im scared and feel so alone. i dont want to keep feeling like this but i'm not sure im ready for this or able to do it even though i know i need to. i just feel so lost right now.so alone. so totally and utterly alone.

You are not alone, you have us. I hope you made it through that attack.

Aprehension, anxiety, feeling ashamed, they are normal with the first psychologist appointment (and sometimes afterwards) but let the person in, they can help!! But it doesnt' go away very quckly, things take time. Be patient.

Not feeling ready to change, That I understand way to well. I have been dealing with this for 6 years, and part of me still doesn't want to change. It is hard when you have those type feelings, but their are people that can help.

Are you seeing a therapist, or councelor?

I'm so glad that you have a therapy appt. It can help so much. It is common to be afraid to go to therapy. We can support you here on your journey.

One thing that really helps me get through those times when I want to do something I might regret later is to tell myself, "I COULD do this....but I WON'T". It sounds incredibly simplistic, but it helps so much. It's like it helps me sort of realize that I have more control over things than I think.
Another thing that helps when I'm having compulsions like that is to ask myself what I want, and what am I feeling. Getting in touch with my feelings and telling myself it's okay to feel that way...it will pass. It always does. That helps me.
Good luck, hope things get better.