[Indie'sOK]

Sorry forgot trigger icon...

*****TRIGGER***********

Really, I've wondered this for months. What constitutes a "real" relapse? You guys are going to hate me for this because if today counts then I was clean for 9 months. Today I was messing around in the bathroom and accidentally knocked one of my mom's glass jars onto the floor. Later when I went back in the bathroom, I found a teeny sharp piece laying in the sink, probably no bigger than the tip of my finger. I just started using it, not hard though, just enough to break skin. I later counted about 20 scratches about 1/2 to an inch in length. Do you think this "counts"?

Stupid question I know. It's far from the relapse I had back in February.

[nicoleb2]

I think it "counts" because you were doing it intentionally, and because if you need to ask, odds are it "counts" to you, which is the most important thing. Whatever we say here really doesn't matter. What matters is what you yourself believe.

[Vibe]

Yes, you are intentionally harming yourself so that counts as self-injury.

However, that does not mean you will suffer a total relapse. There are different degrees of self-harm and it sounds like this was a pretty minute version for you. A nine month stretch without any is great so if I were you I'd shoot for none at all. Rather than seeing this as a failure, I would respond proactively. Evaluate your life recently to see why this may have happened and review your coping mechanisms. You may need to add new methods of stress relief to your repertoire or make other changes to your life to help you cope. It could be a sign of something else as well, but you would know better than I - after all, it's you. However, whatever it is, you don't want it getting worse so I would definitely evaluate. If you do and find that you just slipped a bit because you were in an abnormal situation with a lot of temptation, then you could start looking for ways to strengthen your resolve. None of us can say why it happened though, and I think that's really where you need to be looking.

[googley]

I agree with nicole and vibe. But I would call it a slip. If you catch it now you wont slide into a complete relapse where it is a behavior you are doing to relieve stress. Call your T. I know that you said that you were only seeing her maybe every other week, but this is something she needs to know about to help you. Also tell your parents. You need all the support you can get to keep this from getting worse. In coming here and asking it sounds like you want to keep this from getting worse. That is a good thing. Take the next step and get help IRL. Try to figure out what it was you were feeling or thinking or doing before you cut to lead you to use that as a release. It is important to find the trigger so that you can work on it and work on your coping skills.

This does not make you a bad person. It means that you need more support right now. It doesn't mean that you will return your previous behavior. Take care of yourself.

[Indie'sOK]

Thanks guys. You know, I was feeling really sad yesterday and several days before that. It's always there to some degree, the sadness. Tonight it's better, but it's always below the surface. I don't know why I started to do that again yesterday - I literally just picked it up and did it, then put it down and left the bathroom. Maybe this is due to the sad feelings - I guess it's possible.

I see T Monday. I'll keep you updated. Thanks again, so much Whenever I make posts like this, in the back of my mind I always worry if they sound like a pathetic cry for attention..

[kaliope]

yes i think it counts as well and was gonna call it a slip too. dont let it go to a full blown relapse when you have been doing so well. and no, this is not a pathetic cry for attention. you are reaching out to others who understand and gain support in a time of need. none of us want to see you end up in a state of despair and confusion over something like this which is possible if you did not share what is happening to you. that is what we are here for.

reach out whenever you have to and keep up the good work!

[ickydog2006]

I think call it whatever helps keep you on track. I honestly don't know how many days it's been since I self harmed. I knew if I counted stuff like burning or scratching or biting then I would give in altogether and go big, if it was going to count might as well make it count, attitude (which is a bad way to look at it I know). Since my main thing was cutting and bleeding I keep track of that and try like hell to avoid doing the 'little' things. This past August I made it 6 years without cutting. If I had 'counted' every little slip I've made there is no way I could have got to where I am now. And no way I could have done it without my husband's and therapists' support.

[Sannah]

I hope that you can talk to your T about your sadness.