[nicoleb2]

I want to make the anger, frustration, sadness and grief go away. I NEED them to go away so I can figure out whats going on in my life. I need that physical release

[I'mNotReal]

Me too

[Sanada]

Please Nicole do not do it.

Its an assault on you're self.
Please wait till you talk, and post in the forums. I can help you transform those emotions (which will not change), but you will not cut for my sake.

Nicole, you and pluzzclar and others here at PC has helped me stop cutting, I 'will' do the same for you (and all others in this forum).

I am going to soon post a thread of how it begun for me (cutting), and how it ended for me too.
I have not cut since April 2011, thanks to you all in the Self Harm forum. I am still here, I may not have posted much recently but I am still here (you saved me, all in s/h forum), I will never leave.
I have been trying to work out the maths of why I did it for 6 years, maths or Psychology (call it whatever), I have not cut in over 6 months now. Please Nicole trust that you don't need to do it. Trust me that I'll deliver the message of 'you're' message to me (All in Self Harm Forum Has Given Me Messages) of - 'why I should not S/H, and why I should be proud of myself' - .

Nicole don't give in, please. I have too few tears left. I want to 'spend' those tears on when you're children get to university (or where ever they chose to go in life), those are tears of joy of you and you're family, for you and you're future.



Hello I'mNotReal....Welcome to Psych Central.

What I say here goes according to you too (sorry), but it's a fact.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

I want to make the anger, frustration, sadness and grief go away.

Nicole, you want the impossible. Feelings are normal. You feel them for a bit and then they pass. By avoiding your feelings for who knows how long you have a storage now. You want to stop SI eventually you have to face and accept your feelings. There is no better time then the present.

[nicoleb2]

I'm just ready to be done. I can't seem to do anything right. Everything I do seems to anger or frustrate someone, so I'm just not going to care anymore. Probably not gonna take my meds anymore either. Don't think they are helping, and can't seem to get a call back from pdoc, so it's time to quit

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. There are other ways of getting rid of anger or sadness.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=10310

This could help.

[Sannah]

What happened? Who did you anger/frustrate if you don't mind me asking?

[phoenix7]

i recently did this ... stopped taking my meds cos life sucked and everything i did turned to crap - did it help? did the new marks on my arms make me feel any better or resolve any of my problems...sadly no.

cutting is a temporary solution to a problem - it distracts - but it doesnt resolve.. and thats what we need - we need to get to the root of the problem and get rid of the **** thing

hurting yourself is not the answer.....please try the distraciton things at the topof the page - please try ringing your pdoc - somtimes they get busy and dont call us back or get back to us when they say they will - unfortunately they are human

I have been in crisis for a while now - rang my pdoc - no reply lol - tried to make an appt - not for 3 weeks ha ha! but i will holdon till then - cos the alternative isnt good

please try and hold on - stopping your meds can give you really bad side effects - really really bad - believe me

you are worth more than this - you deserve more than this

please stay safe

P7

[phoenix7]

and (((((im not real)))))) you stay safe to for the same reasons ok - no one deserves to be hurt - not one of us

[nicoleb2]

The sad/anger/frustration is all me. It's about a lot of things, and I am sick of it.

I have tried, for a month, to get a call back from my pdoc. Every time it's the same. We gave him the message, we'll give it to him again. Every time, no call back.

I'm to the point now that I just don't care. I'm ready to stop meds because they don't help. Maybe if I am off of everything else, I can get some sleep. I have to try something. I can't handle 3-5, occasionally 6 hours of sleep anymore.

I'm not even really at the point of cutting now. I'm just done with the meds, I can't handle this anymore. I'd have to change my main antidepressant as of January 1st, so I might as well do it now

[puzzclar]

Is there another pdoc to see?

[nicoleb2]

I'd have to go through another referral, and my current pdoc would have to ok it first

[puzzclar]

I've transferred to another pdoc before, and I didn't need a referral, just my records from the old pdoc. (at least in OR, and ID) The current pdoc, doesn't have to ok it, just find another. (unless of course its for insurance)

[nicoleb2]

I'd have to go to a different clinic in order to get a new pdoc without current pdocs approval.
Average wait as a new patient is 6-8 weeks

[puzzclar]

Do you have an appointment, that way you know you will get to hear what s/he has to say? Yes waiting is not good, but sometimes having a different pdoc helps.

The best way to talk to a pdoc is just to make an appointment. Stopping the meds could lead to something terrible. Physically or mentally.

[nicoleb2]

I have an appointment Dec 2nd. I was supposed to get in with him a month after my last appointment, but all they had available was 2 months later... i'm on the cancellation list, but nothing so far

[nicoleb2]

Changed my mind. Now i want to cut, i need to stay awake, if i cut enough, it'll keep me awake...

I should probably call my t now...

[nicoleb2]

I am so all over the map right now. I found out my grandma broke her hip an may have had a storke. I tried to stop meds, but had to take half of my lamictal today to get past the awful headache I had. So far, no viibryd today though.

I am a horrible person. All I do is cause people pain. Even coming here, I am a nuisance. I have to learn to just keep it to myself, but I can't seem to get there yet.

I deserve the pain of SI. The reminder of the kind of person that I am. I'm not there for anybody. I am selfish.

[puzzclar]

You are NO nuisance, You are SPECIAL!!

The emotional pain that you feel, is very hard to deal with. But don't stop taking your meds, the headache that you feel could be because of going cold turkey.

Please just take the meds... before something else goes wrong.

[nicoleb2]

I took half of my dose of lamictal, and my regular dose of viibryd. I don't know if the headache was because of meds, or because I chose not to eat all day, or because it was just a migraine.. time will tell I guess.
I have an appointment with my t on monday. After the texts and messages i have sent her in the last couple days, I don't want to go.
She was so happy to see this past monday how well I was doing, only I wasn't. I just put on the happy face. Now, after the messages, she knows what I was hiding. She knows that I am failing again

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by nicoleb2

I am a horrible person. All I do is cause people pain. Even coming here, I am a nuisance. I have to learn to just keep it to myself, but I can't seem to get there yet.

I deserve the pain of SI. The reminder of the kind of person that I am. I'm not there for anybody. I am selfish.

What was this ^ all about?

Sorry about your gm.

I hope that you are open with your T. What does putting on a happy face accomplish anyway?

[nicoleb2]

Basically, I was having a really tough week, lots of urges to SI and suicidal thoughts.

I talked to my T today, we got a lot worked out.

I had DBT today, which was very triggering for a lot of stuff. I managed to give up one of the things I use to SI to one of my DBT group leaders because I really wanted to use it on break today.

[Sannah]

Good work!