[jnt1989]

It's been almost a year and a half with a few slip ups here and there... But the other night I had a dream that I was sitting in my therapist's office with a girl that I didn't recognize. She had mentioned something and when my therapist asked me about my thoughts and feelings about it (which I can't even remember what she said now), I "shut down" as she says. And next thing I know, I'm staring at my legs, imagining scratching them and burning them. And it was sooo real. It was just like the real thing. And now that part of the dream just randomly pops into my head, and especially when I'm feeling anxious or depressed. I've already been struggling not to do anything lately, but now it's even worse since I had that dream. I don't see my therapist until Tuesday. I don't know what to do...

[NeverStoppedCrying]

I've had dreams like this before. Usually, when I wake up, the urge to do it has gone away or at least diminished some, because in the dream I skip straight to the guilt that happens a little while after SI'ing. Is this similar in your case?

[kaliope]

you just keep doing what you have been doing for over the last year, just take it a day at a time, a minute at a time if you have to and make that conscious choice not to hurt yourself. distraction is the key as i am sure you know. I havent self harmed in over two years yet it still pops into my head at least once a week to cut myself. And i am stable. It makes no sense to me why I would be thinking this still, but I do. I just dont cut. Dont keep any razors in the house so I am not tempted. So just continue using any skills you have been using in the past year. Get rid of any sharp implements you have so you can keep yourself safe. Tuesday will be her before you know it.

Hang in there.

[birdnesthair]

Try & distract yourself as much as possible, as hard as it may be.. but if you haven't done anything for an extended amount of time, keep doing whatever you were doing during that time. I understand what those urges are like, and they can overwhelm you so easily.. I hope you keep safe & push through these feelings until you see your T.

Even if you do SI, it doesn't mean you've taken a step back, the healing process was never meant to be easy or quick. We can only do what we can to survive, whether it be good or bad.

[jnt1989]

Thanks guys...
Neverstoppedcrying: It never got to the "after"... It was just the longing and the imagining it, kind of like I was planning it out like I always have... And I was just really freaked out...
And I've never done anything on my legs before. So, I guess that kind of freaked me out for some reason too.

I have to be honest here, I don't have any "skills" here. I think the reason I haven't is because my depression got to a point where it wasn't as bad and now that I've been seeing more and more symptoms of my depression coming back, and my moods have been really unstable again, it's been getting harder.