I started self harming some months ago. It got so bad I was doing it maybe 6-8 times a day. I told my close friend, and another who I know. Her reaction scared me aaaand she wouldn't stop crying. But I couldn't stop.

My school found out after teachers started to notice me being depressed and saw my cuts. Then in PE people started looking at me so I am sure they noticed. :/ school told my mum, and I feel like crap, because she cares about me...but won't help me (I've been asking to see a psychiatrist for 3 years, since I was just 11). I do this because I feel alone. I feel like I can't relate to anyone in this stupid world. Hell, I don't even feel human. I have most symptoms for Schizophrenia and OCD. I stopped SI for over a month until today. I told someone I am SURE i have schizophrenia and OCD (everyone who i talk to online about it agrees/online doctors tell me it too) and I thought she cared, I thought she understood because she also used to self harm. But I was wrong. She ignores me. Doesn't even acknowledge my existence. Everyone thinks I am fine. School stopped talking to me. I PROMISED my mum I would NEVER do it again. Now I feel terrible. But i don't want to stop, I can't. I can't even tell the difference between reality and fantasy. There is no hope in anything anymore, I can't trust ANYONE. I am dying more inside everyday. But I can't talk to anyone, because I can't trust them. I am so lonely, I never leave the house because of my paranoia. I live in my own world constantly. I don't even like my friends anymore...how horrible is that. I don't deserve the people I have.

I feel like ending it. But I can't do that to my parents. Then I remember that noone cares about me, and would forget me within about a day. They would forget about me. THEY ALL HATE ME. They are talking about me behind my back and can all read my mind. I hate them all. I hate myself. I hate this world I am stuck in. I want to go back to my home planet.

Btw, I am 15. Thanks for reading.

[needfixing]

words can not express how much it hurts me to read how much pain and suffering you have in your heart.

sweetie i validate you, your beautiful, and your worthy of life. you have to get your negative emotions out of you and this site is the place to do it.

whenever you feel like hurting yourself, or have a negative thought, STOP, and share with us everything, we are here for you, and we will never judge you.

thank you for being so honest it was very brave of you.

[forever_unbroken]

Things will get better for you. I know it. You just need to take one day at a time, and realize that you ARE worthy of life. Yeah, you don't feel like anyone is there for you, but you came to this site for a reason. Let out your feelings. Say what you need to say. If you have to, write out your feelings in a journal or something. Another thing, i think you should write a note to your mom. You need help. I'm sure she doesn't want to see you hurting as much as you are, but she needs to know everything. Tell her. I'm sure you'll feel a lot better. I hope things get better for you. Stay strong. <3

[Mylifeisdepressing]

I am so sorry you're feeling this way. It sounds terrible, and I can relate. I don't have anyone to talk to about it either, and I know it seems that no one cares, but imagine what would really happen if you just ended it. Be honest with yourself, your parents love you more than you know, and your friends and family would have to live the rest of their lives with the burden of your decision, wondering why and if they could have stopped it. (I go through this lecture with myself once every few days. ) Anyway i know how bad it is, feeling like there is nobody you can open up to who really understands what youre going through. You should really talk to your mom about exactly what is bothering you and see if you can go to the doctor, and get help for it. Havent done that yet myself, but i will... Eventually. Good luck. I wish there was some way I could help you, all I can say is that we understand and we're always here for you, PM me if you want to talk.

[Killerbabe1995]

Hello. I'm am 16 turning 17 in march and feel very similar to you. I have severe major depression. I use to cut myself all over to my wrists all the way up to my elbo's.
All over my thighs. It got so bad I started carving stuff into my skin. Words, initials hearts, the last thing I carved was a rose because I was sick of looking at the same old stright lined cuts. My mom saw it, demanded what it was all about and after she got distracted, forgot about the whole thing. I stopped going to therapy and seeing my psych cause I felt it was all very useless. Nothing was helping. Nothing today is either. I feel like I'm sinking into a dark abyss that I can't get out of. I constantly feel the need to kill myself. The only thing really stopping me is.....fear. Now don't get me wrong, I do not fear death, but for some reason killing myself scares me.

I share all of this with you because I hope to let you know that your never alone. I know how it feels to think nobody understands. I wont say that I know exactly how you feel because I hate when people say that to me but we are very similar. I hope the best for you and I hope that we can be friends and support each other on this hard road called life