2 choices:

Cut or knock myself out with a bunch of pills. I know there's more, but that's how it feels

Therapy.

Huh? So they can tell me to hold ice again? No thanks. I'm sure I can come up with my own imaginative ideas...

Do you ever want to talk in more detail why you have given up on therapy?

It's just that I have a hard time supporting someone who won't help themselves (therapy is essential to healing).

You could write... It usually helps me, when it just gets so bad and there is nothing else... I think it helps because it makes things a little bit clearer when you can see your pain kind of just spill out on the paper. I'm not saying it makes everything better. It doesn't. But it helps me some when it really hurts, maybe it would help you. Just write down what you're feeling, at least try to put it into words. I hope it helps

Writing... Could definitly try that.

Sannah, I just didn't like it, it wasn't for me, and I was very open, honest,even candid, about EVERYTHING. I don't even understand the point of therapy. My 1st pdoc said I had great insight, and should just expand my coping mechanisms. He assured me I don't need therapy, I went anyway,at a friends reques.

Idk, maybe i'm just used to figuring it out on my own. Btw, took a hot bubble bath and smoked many cigarettes, so I'm safe for now, guess I just wanted to escape the pain.

I get that my urges are unhealthy, and I understand how you could think I don't want help. I find that communal support and venting in a safe place is therapeutic to me. And here I also learn new coping strategies. Before I only had 'breath' , 'punch an inanimate object', 'scream into a pillow' , 'fake it till you make it' and music... So it's ok if you find responding to my threads difficult, I appreciate the fact that you do, and understand if you don't.

If it turns out that the general consensus is that I refrain from posting bcoz I refuse to see a professional, I respect that. I don't want to hinder anybody's progress.

I don't think you have necesarily have to see profesional to achieve a better life... you don!'t need a degree to understand yourself..........

but you need to be honest with yourself. what causes these urges? Where does your pain from and is there a way to "treat" the source of the internal pain?

I have asked these questions, thank you Venus. Pain is caused by 'loved ones' making me feel like i'm unworthy... Yes I cut them loose, but every so now and again, I'm reminded that I mean nothing to them. That thought alone is unbearable.

No, you definitely don't have to stop posting because you are not in therapy. This is only my hang up and I certainly am not representative of everyone here.

Thanks Sannah! I just didn't want to hurt anybody by making use of this space.XOXO