[estranged]

Recently my cuts have gotten deeper to a point were they wont stop bleeding...what am I supposed to do? And how exactlly do I take care of them? I am going to the pharmacy tommorow so could you also tell me what I'll need? I have dressings and elastic bandages...please help me, I think my parents may have to find out if I can't take of them alone and I'm FREAKING OUT!!!

[insanity500]

I do the same thing you do, but I don't think it's as bad all I can tell you is to hang in there and I hope things have gotten better for you or that they're going to. GOOD LUCK!! Stay strong, put faith in the fact that you're never alone.

[Sannah]

Estranged, you need to reach out and seek help. It isn't a good sign that you are needing to go deeper. This could mean that you need higher levels of SI for the same effect (like all addictions). I also noticed what you wrote under your status, that you are closer to suicide. Do you have a therapist?

[estranged]

Sannah yes I have a therapist. I'm also taking antidepressants but they don't work. My psychiatrist knows I'm cutting but to be honest, I don't want to stop. I know it sounds stupid but it's like, the most important thing in my life. It's what I think all the time. Like you said, it's an addiction. I know I should try to stop it but whenever I don't cut I feel so anxious!

[Sannah]

Yes, I can understand why you want to SI. It does help you with your feelings. Do you feel worse, better, or no change with the medication? If you don't mind me asking, what are you working on in therapy?

[estranged]

I actually feel worse...My psychiatrist is thinking of chaning the treatment and giving me apart from the antidepressants antipsychotics too...What do you mean what are you working on in therapy? What are we talking about or what are my issues? And no, I don't mind

[Sannah]

Yes, what you are talking about and what your issues are.

How do your parents feel about the medications? Has everyone discussed how psych meds affect children?

[estranged]

well we're not talking about something specific, different thing each time but mostly about me being suicidal. Now my issues...Self-harm, depression, anxiety, trust issues, I am cyclothymic, get angry A LOT, hallucinations, there are times were I don't know what I'm doing and just have to do stupid things and other things but mainly those...

[Sannah]

Have you been able to express your feelings in your family (for your whole life)?

[estranged]

Well I don't feel comfortable speaking to my parents though they do know some stuff but my brother knows most of it

[Sannah]

Have you always felt uncomfortable telling your parents things?

[estranged]

yes, I usually don't tell them anything...

[SoupDragon]

I hope you have felt able to discuss the SI with your psychiatrist, particularly the fact that you are cutting deeper. Although I SI and my T is aware, we don't focus on it much, but just from time to time my T checks in about it to gauge how well I am coping with things.

Take care - Soup

[Inedible]

The best thing to stop the bleeding would be to stop cutting yourself.

It will sound weird, but I read something a while ago about bleeding and I never got the chance to try it out. I read that cayenne powder will quickly cause a cut to stop bleeding. The thing is, though, that I tend to get the accidental variety of cut at work where I don't have access to my cayenne powder. It doesn't happen often enough to make sense to bring some with me, and besides ... the cuts stop bleeding too quickly to really test this theory anyway. Most of the time I just end up with a series of lines on my hands and arms and never even actually see the blood. The last time I got a cut that was bad enough to actually see if this would work - the cayenne powder - was back in mid-1997. That was before I had read about it. I was working in a deli and I cut my hand on the slicer. It didn't entirely stop bleeding for a full week because it kept opening up again. Odds are that if I ever do have a cut serious enough to try the cayenne powder to stop the bleeding, it won't even occur to me to try to stop it by pouring cayenne on it. It will be some kind of emergency situation and I won't be thinking very clearly. Something tells me that putting cayenne on a cut might just hurt even more anyway, like putting lemon juice on it or alcohol or maybe like rubbing salt in. It feels a little weird to even be mentioning this at all when everyone else is only suggesting the preventative measure of not cutting yourself. On the other hand I get the feeling that this is easier said than done. Please don't go out of your way to need to try drastic measures to stop bleeding. All I am saying is that if you do happen to know that you are definitely going to be bleeding anyway, if you could put it off until you can get to the store and buy some cayenne powder to have it on hand, and if you could see if it works, then maybe you could let us know. It could easily be another fourteen years before I get the chance to see for myself. And I hope you are not offended that I asked. If anyone asks you why you decided to get some cayenne powder you can tell them that you heard that you can put 1/8 of a teaspoon into a large mug of hot chocolate to enhance the flavor. It really is tasty, but I have to use a lot more to taste it. Especially if I'm going to put whipped cream on top.

Actually I am reminded of a saying. If you are thinking about doing something good, especially something kind and generous for another person, you should go ahead and do it as soon as possible. If you are thinking about doing something that you don't think you should do, just wait a bit longer before you do it. When you are thinking about doing something and you don't do it right away there is the possibility that you won't get to it because the moment is gone. In the case of a good action, this is unfortunate, but if you were going to do something you might regret, this is an advantage. Back when I used to drink there were actually times when I didn't get around to it for various reasons because I didn't do it right away and by the time I got around to it, it was too late to buy the alcohol. Once I opened a bottle of liquor it didn't last very long, and I didn't have more at home on those occasions.

[Sannah]

Do you understand why you don't share things with your parents?

[estranged]

Yes, I have told my psychiatrist about it and at first she didn't really focus on it either but the last few times she has and she says that I may have to stay to a clinic for some time...

Sannah to be honest, not really...It was always like that...I guess that since I have trust issues and my parents are home all the time it's worse with them...But I don't tell things to anybody, I'm too insecure...

[Sannah]

There are reasons why you don't tell your parents things and this has to do with your family's functioning. Does your T work with your parents to try to improve the functioning of the family?

[estranged]

no, she doesn't really...

[Sannah]

Have you ever told her that you never tell your parents anything?