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#1
Apr 03, 2012, 12:26 AM
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i want to cut so badly right now. i am tired of being me, i just don't want to live anymore. I wish my las suicide attempt had been successful. I can't take much more of this....
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 Anonymous32855, mortimer, Puffyprue, Towanda, WePow
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#2
Apr 03, 2012, 01:38 AM
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Sorry things are tough right now. : ( Try to stay safe though. <3
__________________
“For one moment we are not failed tests and broken condoms and cheating on essays; we are crayons and lunch boxes and swinging so high our sneakers punch holes in the clouds.” --- Wintergirls |
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#3
Apr 03, 2012, 04:48 AM
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Nicole, you can't continue thinking of yourself like this. What makes you hate yourself? Is it something that you did, something that happened to you, etc.?
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#4
Apr 03, 2012, 10:39 AM
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Are you going to tell your T this?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#5
Apr 03, 2012, 03:45 PM
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I have no idea why I feel like this
I don't remember most of my childhood and have a lot of memory issues from ect so it could be anything. U feel defective and I'm tired of it |
| puzzclar, WePow
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#6
Apr 03, 2012, 07:38 PM
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((((Nicole)))) wow. I am so sorry you are in so much pain right now. I do understand what you are saying. I get it. I can't tell you that you will ever feel whole, but maybe you CAN feel some joy in life and some healing. There are so many wonderful things to experience in life like a garden and roses and puppies or kitties.
Life really is supposed to be a gift someone is given. I am sorry that others stole the joy of living from you. Keep writing it out.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
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#7
Apr 03, 2012, 08:41 PM
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Why is it that I ALWAYS feel worse at night lately. It's getting awful again. I want to cut really really bad again. I hate this
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| ManicDad, WePow
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#8
Apr 04, 2012, 06:44 AM
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I understand. Night is very difficult.
__________________
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#9
Apr 04, 2012, 07:15 AM
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Night time is always the worst for me too.
I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. I've felt like this many times and I wish I could give you a magical solution but there's not one. I'd suggest just taking one minute at a time. Focus on just getting thru the night and talk with your T if you have one. They will have some suggestions for how to work thru these feelings. Minute by minute. Remember you aren't alone.
__________________
"Experience, in retrospect, becomes the truth that guides my step ..." Without ME, it's just "aweso"! |
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#10
Apr 04, 2012, 01:10 PM
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 These can help, but it doesn't take the pain away. Addictions start and they sometimes will have patterns... like getting worse at night. If you SI'ed mostly at night then yes, that can trigger you. The things we all have done that create addictions are hard to break. But not impossible... I just wish this is all I can do. Or you can try the daily challenges, at the top of the page... It has helped me a bit for the ones that I have completed. Small things help the pain to go away. (in time) Here's a few more... And it wont let me put any more. 
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 nicoleb2
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#11
Apr 06, 2012, 03:44 PM
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Can you get one of those light lamps?
__________________
"You got to fight those gnomes...tell them to get out of your head!" |
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#12
Apr 06, 2012, 09:34 PM
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I doubt it would help
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#13
Apr 06, 2012, 09:57 PM
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Hang in there Nicoleb. We all care about you. Sorry things are so hard for you right now.
__________________
Linda 
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#14
Apr 06, 2012, 10:05 PM
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Went to church tonight because I felt awful... thought maybe it'd help. It didn't... it made it worse (i posted about it in the daily roll call thread...). I quit.
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| jmbxoxo14, TerryL
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#15
Apr 07, 2012, 08:50 AM
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Went to church for a Good Friday service tonight thinking it would help. Saw my estranged wife who feels sorry for me but doesn't really want me back. My kids didn't want to talk to me. I wound up fighting a panic attack for most of the service and almost broke down in the middle of everyone. Haven't started cutting again yet but the urge keeps getting stronger.
Keep fighting. Is there anything you can do at night to distract yourself? Mindless computer games? Staying up reading until your sleep meds kick in so hard that you have to go to sleep? Anything is better than laying there thinking about it. Just throwing out a couple ideas... |
| jmbxoxo14
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#16
Apr 07, 2012, 09:10 AM
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dont worry nicole, youre not alone.. I feel like how youre describing every night. in order to get my mind off of it i usually do things like listen to music, paint my nails, and im reallly into photography. ive been self harming for 3 years now. and ive been able to get through this, i know you can too.
just find a couple hobbies and keep at them, get better at them. you know? i believe sme praise would do you good. get back to me at how youre feeling. we all love you and are here for you here  love, Jodi 
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#17
Apr 07, 2012, 12:48 PM
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Still feeling pretty crappy today. I want to quit, I want to just die and get it over with. Things NEVER get better
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#18
Apr 07, 2012, 03:58 PM
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Quote:
((nicoleb))I'm really sorry you feel that way. Hope you feel better tomorrow!
__________________
Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby! |
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#19
Apr 07, 2012, 04:46 PM
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I hope you don't end your life ... Even though I don't know you personally, I do know this ... It would leave a hole in the Universe where you're supposed to be and that would be very sad ...
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#20
Apr 07, 2012, 06:30 PM
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I am not going to commit suicide. If i get that bad again, I hope that I am able to get help for myself (I'd like to say I will, but I've thought that before...)
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#21
Apr 08, 2012, 12:27 AM
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I really want to cut tonight. I just want all of my life to stop. I hate it all
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| Nemo39122
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#22
Apr 08, 2012, 01:48 PM
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I'm feeling really terrible right now. Urges are so strong!
I should call my t, but not interrupting her holiday. Can't do it. |
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#23
Apr 08, 2012, 02:01 PM
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Are you there? Sorry, I didn't see this thread earlier.
It's sweet that you care about your T's Easter so much. She must help you a lot. Hope you can make it till Monday.  Roadie
__________________
roads & Charlie |
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#24
Apr 11, 2012, 08:56 AM
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Did you make it through the weekend??? If you did then that's great, if not, there's always another moment that helps us push past things.
You can do this.
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#25
Apr 11, 2012, 09:59 PM
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I did make it through the weekend. Hopefully I'll make it through tonight too. Really anxious, I have to go see pdoc tomorrow and I think he is an *** and he makes life difficult
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| roads
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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