[Sterella]

I have been trying to stop cutting. This time I am using methods my counselor gave me...and I was doing good for almost a month. But I relapsed about 2 days ago. Things are going to get even more frustrating for me, and I am scared I won't be able to resist more of the urges. Trying to quit has been a terribly difficult process for me. I was a regular cutter for 6 years, and I was so used to just whipping a blade out whenever I felt the urge. Right now I feel like I'm going to go crazy! I want to cut so bad, but I have nothing to use, I feel trapped and anxious! And things are only going to get worse from here.

[carrie_ann]

((((Sterella))))

i'm sorry you are struggling so much just now. i know how hard it is and you have done so good up to now, even tho it may not feel it to you.

i know it sounds obvious but can you get as many distractions as possible and go with them? and please keep writing here, sometimes it's good to get your feelings out.

feel free to pm me if you wish.

[Sterella]

Thanks for the support. I dont normally like to complain but the urges have been so bad lately. I got rid of all my thumbtacks even! I think worrying like this is just making it worse but i can't help it.

[Idiot17]

Its so hard, i know. My T told me to either stop or to go to a psychiatrist since he felt im too dangerous. Its hard. Life sucks. Gluck w your struggles.

[Sterella]

I keep thinking about breaking my mirror. I've done it before when there was nothing else around. Gosh its just so tempting! But I keep thinking that if I do SI then I will let my family down. I told them I was going to get better, but I can't seem to get a grip! If I SI then they will see the cut and it will make them sad and I will feel guilty and that will only make me want to cut more and then repeat. When I kept quiet about this it was just self-guilt I had to deal with, but now that my family knows I feel so conflicted!

[Sannah]

Hey, you did good for a month! Do you understand what triggers your urges?

[Sterella]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Hey, you did good for a month! Do you understand what triggers your urges?

Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere! I was relaxing two days ago, listening to some music, and then this awful urge to feel that feeling again just jumped up. Thankfully the new plan my T made for me helped a lot, but I'm still confused as to why it happens. Stress is a factor a lot of times, and is relatively easy to handle, but when I suddenly just get blind-sided I get really upset.

And thank you for the compliment, I was really proud that I went a whole month without a single scratch! I hope I can go even longer.

[Mike_J]

There are some good resources on resisting SI on the main page at the top "sticky" posts

[Abby]

I think sometimes there are reasons and sometimes there is habit. I also think sometimes the mind is not as sensitive as the body. I'm thinking that because you say you were listening to music and I wonder if your body was triggered by something in the music beyond what your mind could comprehend? I know that may sound silly...I think if you get blind sided with urges you need to do your best to wait. At times like these it is the hardest because if you could understand why you felt like hurting yourself then you could do something to help yourself! I think the only thing you can do at those times is keep distracted and wait the wave of urges out. It is horrid, but I think the more you sit it out the next time it won't be as powerful....at least that's what I hope (and when I say 'next time', I don't really mean it is that easy but more 'in the future'!).