[BleedingDestruction]

Yeah, I say all jokingly... That's my coping skill-- brushing off my problems and pretending they don't matter.

Well, I'm in a bad place right now. After coming back from the mental hospital (Coastal Harbor-- Hell on Earth), I was hoping things would get better. Sadly, they didn't and I'm back in the same place I was before. Suicidal.

My parents have locked up everything sharp and all the guns. Both luckily and sadly for me, they forgot the tools and as soon as I got home I snagged a new blade. And I went right back to cutting. They don't let me go anywhere but the bathroom on my own. I can't even escape to my room when things get too hectic or I feel a panic attack coming on. They always want to know my feelings. And sometimes I get unbelievably happy for no reason and do stupid and dangerous things because I feel invincible and powerful. And now my friends are afraid to let me go anyplace alone because of that. So I'm always surrounded by people.

I can't take it anymore.

I tried telling my mom that I needed alone time and she started spouting crap about how they were scared for me. And when I told her I was going insane dealing with everyone she told me to suck it up.

I hate myself. I hate my life and I'm starting to really hate people. I was already pretty ****ing twisted, but now I'm getting crazier than before.

I just want it to end.

[BleedingDestruction]

I can't stand it. I can't take it. I just don't have the means... Unless I choose to just bleed out and cut myself to death.

[Sannah]

Do you have follow up care with a therapist?

[Idiot17]

Do not cut yourself to death. I've got the oppisite problem. Nobody knows that im suicidal. And it simply drives me crazy. But reading wat u wrote maybe its better no one knows. I cant imagineliving with someoneonme all the time since i HATE people. It must be rilly tough. I never was in a mental hosp. Though i was warned about it once. Do u have a T, that u like and work with?

[TheLokiWolf]

Hi. Im in the same boat and Idiot17, only 4 people know im suicidal. I also brush the problem off with jokes and laughing. Thankfully my T sees through it. And honestly, I would go insane if people were constantly with me as well. if u do have a good T, tell them that all this 'attention' is doing more harm than good, which is how it sounds to me. Ive found that having a really good therapist who is willing to understand and work with you, not against you. is vital to getting on the road to recovery. Its by no means that absolute solution but its definantly the start line.

Please dont do anything to end it. im sure it will get better for all of us.

[BleedingDestruction]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Do you have follow up care with a therapist?

Yes, and he's really great. But I don't see him again until the 23rd.

[BleedingDestruction]

Originally Posted by Idiot17

Do u have a T, that u like and work with?

Yes, but I don't see him again until the 23rd.

[Idiot17]

Maybe u can ask for something sooner. If not pls be careful. Tell him that having ppl on top of you all the time is causing more harm then good.

[BleedingDestruction]

Originally Posted by Idiot17

Maybe u can ask for something sooner. If not pls be careful. Tell him that having ppl on top of you all the time is causing more harm then good.

I've tried to explain it to him, but he kept telling me the same thing my mom and dad kept telling me. They're scared for me, but when I tried to explain I was losing it, they brushed it off.

[Idiot17]

Sucks. Maybe it is best, and your scared to admit that. Ask if it could be limited a bit- I dont know. Gluck.

[BleedingDestruction]

I just attempted suicide. I took a bunch of my dad's sleeping pills and my sister called 911 and my parents. I can't even kill myself right.

[Idiot17]

Do u really wanna? Or r u glad ur sis found u?
Hope this works out for the best gluck

[WePow]

I am so sorry you are in so much pain.

[BleedingDestruction]

Originally Posted by Idiot17

Do u really wanna? Or r u glad ur sis found u?
Hope this works out for the best gluck

I really want it to just be over. I'm going crazy and I can't stand it.

[Idiot17]

Im really sorry your so low now. In so much pain, i can relate to that. Do they know how serious you are? When r u seeing your T next now? Its all such a struggle and its so hard most of the time life seems all worthless. Personaly im in very low spirits and suicide has cone up very often in my mind recently i just hope your careful and remain safe. Gluck on trying to be careful. Pls be.

[BleedingDestruction]

I'm seeing him tomorrow or Tuesday.

[Idiot17]

Gluck with your appt. i hope it goes well for you, and that youll feel calmer. Pls remain safe till then

[Secretum]

Does your pdoc know about your "happy times"? They sound like mania to me. You could be bipolar.

[BleedingDestruction]

Originally Posted by Secretum

Does your pdoc know about your "happy times"? They sound like mania to me. You could be bipolar.

Yes, and he said they didn't matter. I don't think he believes me.

[RunningEagleRuns]

IT WILL GET BETTER - HANG ON. thats the truth. good luck.

[TheLokiWolf]

Its so sad to hear you are in so much pain

i hope you stay safe. Im sure things will get better for you... you just need to hang on. make your therapist believe you when you say the attention is doing more harm than good. be assertive. its YOUR life.

please stay safe!!

[Sannah]

[Idiot17]

Hang on in there. Try to get your T to take you seriously. Gluck.

[BleedingDestruction]

Thanks! He's taking me more seriously now. He's giving me mood stabilizers and he's going to test me for Bipolar because it runs in my family.

[Idiot17]

Good for you, gluck with the test