Fell off the cutting wagon--TRIGGERY

TRIGGERY

I cut tonight. Things just got too intense and I knew I needed to calm down before I OD'd again. So instead of waiting for me to get too bad, I stopped it then and there by cutting. That always does the trick.

The feeling of that cold steel on my skin was amazing! It felt so beautiful and so right! I could do it forever and ever and love every minute of it!

I don't want anyone to say how sorry they are that I cut again after a 5 month absense from it and I don't want pity. Actually, I would be offended because I see it as the most beautiful thing in the world and I never intended to quit. I'm not the type to feel guilt, shame, or have negative emotions about my cutting. It's one of the very few things I am completely proud of.

I just wish I could cut and have it feel this great when I'm not overly upset.

ok, no sympathy re the cutting, just to the fact that you were feeling so bad. (((((lex))))). i can completely understand how it feels so much better and eases all the tension inside by SIing. I have never said I want to quit but I do feel the COMPLETE opposite to you about it... good to hear it helped so things didn't become worse tho

(((((((((Lexicon))))))))))

Hoping you are doing better today? You are in my thoughts.

Yeah, doing better.

Thanks!

Lex..if you don't mind me asking..how old are you? I have no intention of talking you out of cutting yourself..I was in the same self mutilation state of mind for years and I know personally that no amount of talking from another person is going to talk you out of anything..so why waste my breath.. young or old..what does it matter? actually it matters a lot..or at least I think it does..you probably wouldn't seeing it as you still cut and all..see I am 28 now..and I have cuts and burns all over my wrist and ankle and hip from where I wore out my problems on my body because I had no other way of venting my anger and fear and sadness. Now, I look down at those scars, EVERY DAY, and have to be reminded of PAST scars..long since healed..but forever ingrained on my body because of the knife that I took took to my skin. I know you won't be able to understand this now..but one day..one day you will..I was told the same..I didn't beleive it then..but OH, HOW I WISH I HAD!! I know you dont know me from one person to the next but if you need to talk..I have an ear..and I will be more than happy to listen..

I'm 28

(((((((((((lexicon)))))))))) no judgement. cutting does help on the short term. my wish is that you can add things that will also help on the long term. my best to you.