Giant steps backwards

Well, my self-harm is definitely back for vengeance. I guess it didn't like the fact that I had stopped for a couple months, and it also didn't like how little I did it. Because now, I've gotten so much worse.

Two and a half years ago I think it was, or maybe three, I was really, really bad. Everyday I'd cut, and I'd do so much damage in one sitting. I went 18 months without it, started back up ever so slowly, doing reeeally small ones and doing them maybe once a week if that. I then stopped for a while, started back up again, then stopped for a few months.

Now, however, I've taken a giant step backwards. I'm back to where I was those years before, and I'm scared. I've missed it, sure, but if I continue how I used to be, I know things will get way too hard for me to handle.

I feel completely alone really. Maybe this is why I've gotten so bad? The way I perceive myself has definitely gotten worse, and just realizing what kind of person I am compared to who I want to be definitely takes a toll.

I feel pathetic and weak for posting this, but I guess this is my last resort. I just need advice badly, and don't know of anywhere else to get it.

We all slip up at times and I can completely understand the love/hate relationship! Wanting it in some ways but fighting it in others. Do you know why things have really changed? Has something else in your life significantly changed that is causing you stress?

Don't give up. Resisting for months is an amazing thing and it will be possible to do it again. The only advice I can really give is to remember your reasons for stopping. Try to remember the good things about not hurting yourself and come up with strategies to help you manage when the urges are there. I know it is hard but it is possible to get through this.

Thinking of you Hang in there.

courage doesn’t always roar. sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “i will try again tomorrow.” ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Do you have a therapist?