[Wolff]

It's true, for me right now my mind is a really hazy uncertain place but when I cut it's like I'm cutting through the fog in my mind and for just a second . . . I can see.
I know that alot of cutters wish to stop cutting and they don't like that they do but for me I am proud of the scars produced by my cutting. I don't want to stop, for I know that I am not going to kill myself, I know that I am not going to to die from infection or from cutting in a wrong place because when I cut I treat them immediately so that they won't be infected and I stay away from the veins throughout my body (and I steralize my razors before and after I use them)
So you see to me cutting is as normal as a person brushing their hair, for me it's comforting and natural, and I hope that maybe one day other people will accept this (like my mom -_-)

[pegasus]

Well, it's a way of coping but it's not a good way of coping. Words are better.

Originally Posted by Wolff

It's true, for me right now my mind is a really hazy uncertain place but when I cut it's like I'm cutting through the fog in my mind and for just a second . . . I can see.
I know that alot of cutters wish to stop cutting and they don't like that they do but for me I am proud of the scars produced by my cutting. I don't want to stop, for I know that I am not going to kill myself, I know that I am not going to to die from infection or from cutting in a wrong place because when I cut I treat them immediately so that they won't be infected and I stay away from the veins throughout my body (and I steralize my razors before and after I use them)
So you see to me cutting is as normal as a person brushing their hair, for me it's comforting and natural, and I hope that maybe one day other people will accept this (like my mom -_-)

i think a lot of people that self harm feel like that.

it's a natural release- but as pegs said, their are better things to do

[xXSkitty KittyXx]

I don't want too stop either.....so I know what you mean.... its very comforting....

[ickydog2006]

the problem is it gets worse. You make all these requirements, but as the addiction gets worse, which it will, you make new boundaries. One day the cuts you make arnt going to give you release. You'll need to go deeper or do mor. You'll need the release and be away from your sterilized tools. but that will be okay. You'll set a new line. You'll get to close to a vein some day and scare yourself. You'll swear to never do it that badly again. but you will, and worse. how do I know. because when I first got on here almost 10 yrs ago, I said the exact same things that you did, and I've heard it a hundred times over. and you will probably read this (& hopefully "before you make the first cut" poem) and think you will be different, just like I did when others warned me. I just hope you manage to quit before you die from it.

[Sam2]

ickydog Is right. It won't stay the same. Cutting will escalate whether it takes a few months or a few years. No matter how much care you take to make sure everything is clean, you can still get an infection. Look at in hospital surgeries. Everyone in the room is sterile and the room is sterilized, yet every year, people die from post surgical infections.

Not all nerves are large enough to see with the naked eye. There is no way for you to know if you are going to hit one. Even if you study an anatomy book, realize that there are small differences in individuals as to what nerves and vessels go where.

The reason the cutting makes you feel good is because of endorphins. They are a "natural high" chemical your body releases in response to pain. My guess is that you are addicted to that high. Eventually, you will develop a tolerance to the high, and need to cut deeper to acheive the same feeling. It really is no different than taking a drug to feel better, except that there isn't a law about self cutting.

I understand how you would feel defensive when we tell you things like that. Had someone said that to me when i started, I probably would have felt defensive too. Now I am stuck with scars that need explaining, odd sensations, and no way to undue the damage I've done.

Sam2

[mistyeyed]

Originally Posted by Wolff

It's true, for me right now my mind is a really hazy uncertain place but when I cut it's like I'm cutting through the fog in my mind and for just a second . . . I can see.
I know that alot of cutters wish to stop cutting and they don't like that they do but for me I am proud of the scars produced by my cutting. I don't want to stop, for I know that I am not going to kill myself, I know that I am not going to to die from infection or from cutting in a wrong place because when I cut I treat them immediately so that they won't be infected and I stay away from the veins throughout my body (and I steralize my razors before and after I use them)
So you see to me cutting is as normal as a person brushing their hair, for me it's comforting and natural, and I hope that maybe one day other people will accept this (like my mom -_-)

sometimes I think it's the clarity in the aftermath that I look for too. "Fog" is an excellent way of putting the circumstances just prior to. It's like cutting doesn't just physically cut barriers (skin) but it also cuts through the emotional crap

[ickydog2006]

If it didn't provide a temporary 'fix' no one would do it. It's basically just like other drugs, just not illegal. In the end it damages and destroys people, but in the beginning it feels worth it.