Bled for the first time

I was so angry at myself. And scared. I slept with my emotional abusive ex boyfriend. He "won". Why would I let him? I wanted to feel pain. So, first I purged thinking I could get relief but that wasn't enough. I took my shaver and slashed the skin on my leg until I bled. This was the first time I EVER caused myself to bleed. I'm worried that if I had the guts to do it once... I'll have the guts to do it again.

Midnight, sounds like you need to work through your internal pain in therapy.

Midnight,
Your instincts are correct. Once you draw blood, it becomes easier next time. SI rarely gets better on its own. Usually it gets worse. If your boyfriend is abusive, he doesn't love or care for you. Don't be suckered into his appologies, they are temporary and not real. Being in an abusive relationship is a hard habit to break. Even though it causes pain, people tend to then pick the same kind of person again and again even though they don't like abuse. You are too good for this guy. Don't let him ruin your life. Its just not worth it.

Sam2

I recently started self harm, I did it for about 2 months.I thought their was no other way to release my emotions. but I found that truly are better ways to release them.so I stopped.i found some people who used to self harm and they helped me threw it. ive been self harm free for 3 months now. I have faith you wont do it again.when you feel the need to do it distract your mind. do whatever it is that you do write,sing, dance anything to keep your mind busy

You are definitely right that it does tend to become easier the more you do it, and the more you can come to rely on it to manage your pain. There are better, healthier ways to manage. Go for a walk, write, draw, distract yourself with a movie or good book. Anything that allows you to distract yourself and manage your emotions. For me personally I have found writing to be an amazing help. Writing something down and then destroying the paper - telling myself that I let go of the negative feelings and thoughts at the same time. Then if I continue to have negative thoughts I picture myself destroying the paper and my thoughts with it and they often pass. It sounds weird but it really helps me.

It definitely seems that your relationship is not a healthy one. I know it can be hard but I would suggest you try to consider if it really is the best thing for you to keep in contact with this person. You say he is an ex, and that is great but if the temptation is still there to have that kind of intimacy it might be worth considering whether any form of contact is healthy. Anyone who brings you down enough to want to make you harm yourself is not good for you.

Hang in there Please feel free to keep posting here as well if you want to. I am sure everyone here will be happy to help in any way they can.