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#1
Feb 16, 2013, 02:35 AM
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I didn't SI today. I sliced my finger but that wasn't on purpose. (Even though I was happy it happened) that doesn't count.
I didn't purposely make myself bleed. Now I'm away from my room, therefore, away from my blade. So I am safe til tomorrow night. Then I will do it again. (I have no idea why I'm typing this. I just felt compelled to.) As soon as I am in my room, alone, I will cut and bleed once again. I will feel the pain of justice. The pain I need to feel to be alive. The blood is the justice of what wrong I have done to deserve this hell. I can't wait! I'm not sure what I hope to gain from posting this, but I just feel like I'm supposed to tell somebody what I feel.... Weird. |
 Idiot17, smmath
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#2
Feb 16, 2013, 03:17 AM
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it's good that you didn't do it tonight, and maybe tomarrow you won't do it.... but then again i am one to talk for i have been cutting everyday for about a week. anyway enough about me... i guess i need to vent too so sorry for highjacking your post. no real advice except for hang in there and hopefully soon we'll stop cutting soon.
--Sam |
| GirlOfManyFaces
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#3
Feb 16, 2013, 02:51 PM
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That is no big deal, high jack it as much as you want. feel free to PM me if you want to talk or vent or whatever. It help to vent and it makes me feel better when I help people. It's a win win |
 smmath
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#4
Feb 16, 2013, 03:58 PM
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Not any advice i can give you-Sorry. But(( HUGS)). Glad Didn't do it for one night
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| GirlOfManyFaces
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#5
Feb 17, 2013, 07:24 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#6
Feb 17, 2013, 08:07 PM
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I deserve worse... |
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#7
Feb 17, 2013, 08:14 PM
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Because you are a child and your parents are in charge of your environment.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#8
Feb 17, 2013, 08:26 PM
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It's not their fault I was raped... That's my fault... |
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#9
Feb 17, 2013, 08:29 PM
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You are your parents, problem #1. You deserve adequate parents. You were raped because your parents aren't supervising who you are around and they didn't teach you to never be around people who won't respect you. (But of course the major reason is because the guy chose to do it).
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#10
Feb 17, 2013, 08:42 PM
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My "parents" are too busy fighting to notice me. And they only started to be in my business after they found out I was raped...and blamed it on me... Then my dad became more abusive and perverted. And my mom is more emotionally abusive now. She feels like I'm a mess up. That she needs to fix me. I was raped because I didn't watch the people around me. I just thought I was safe. And I let him get close to me because he filled the hole my unloving family made. I cut because that is just how I decided to cope. And it works |
| Idiot17
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#11
Feb 17, 2013, 09:02 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#12
Feb 18, 2013, 01:16 AM
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...Die... |
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#13
Feb 18, 2013, 01:34 AM
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Being raped is NEVER your fault! And you don't put yourself in that sitiuation either. People are just sick and they pray on the shy or weak. I was raped before, and used to cut myself. I had to see a counselor because it was getting bad. I haven't cut myself in 7 years now. I just take it day by day. Instead now I will get a piercing or tattoo. Lol.
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| GirlOfManyFaces
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#14
Feb 18, 2013, 01:45 AM
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People always say it isn't my fault, but it is. IM the one who let him sleep in my bed, come to my parties, kiss me, touch me, get to know me. IM the one who let him into my life. I didn't leave when my friends warned me. I hold all the blame. ME. nobody else. I could have told him off before it happened. |
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#15
Feb 18, 2013, 09:33 AM
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Girl, what do you need in order to help you move beyond this blame stuff?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#16
Feb 20, 2013, 12:27 AM
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No one asks to be raped, Not having a dig but what would you say if this was happening to someone else? would you say it was the persons fault?
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#17
Feb 20, 2013, 12:36 AM
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If I was being nice I would say it was all the rapists fault... But it really depends on what happened. Did they fight or not? |
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#18
Feb 20, 2013, 12:39 AM
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I don't know. I just know its all my fault and I ruined everybody's life. My "parents" are ashamed of me. And my poor sister now has a failure of a family member. My cousins who looked up to me so much are disappointed. And one of them is getting into fights now. He was suspended. And it's all my fault. I let everyone down. I always seem to mess up |
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#19
Feb 20, 2013, 05:51 AM
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T
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You are 15. Your bf was much older and wanted more from your time together than, at 15, you were able to give him. I'll admit that you were too trusting and that the way you spent your time with him possibly led him to believe that you were more ready than you really were. You made mistakes but your parents should have stepped in and drawn up the boundaries. Thry failed spectactularly in that and you have paid a price that no one should have to pay. You are NOT to blame though. Your bf didnt respect you and took what he could. That is a dispicable act, but you are not to blame. Your parents should have guided you better, taught you where the lines are. Maybe they know this but if they blame you they dont have to face up to their complete failure. As your. Parents they have a duty of care for you and that isnt happening. Please try to stop blaming yourself. |
| Sannah
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#20
Feb 20, 2013, 08:40 AM
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I'm 14 and he is 17... I know better than to date someone that much older. But it was a mistake I learned from... Sadly it is still my fault |
| Idiot17
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#21
Feb 20, 2013, 10:32 AM
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I'm sorry. My memory is terrible. Although the younger you are, makes the neglect by your parents even worse.
For the purposes of this message, I wont argue the point about you being to blame, even though I'll never agree with you. Either way, you do need to find a way to stop blaming yourself. What you've been through is horrific, but the blame you're putting on yourself is holding you back. If you can find a way to forgive yourself, you may find it easier to put it in the past and look forward to your future. |
| GirlOfManyFaces
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#22
Feb 20, 2013, 08:40 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#23
Feb 20, 2013, 09:29 PM
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Wow, you are pretty powerful to have that much power over so many people?
>>>I don't appreciate your sarcasm... So this is what all of this blame is about? >>>everything is my fault. And that's not what it's about tho How is his getting into fights your fault? >>>his mother use to say "what would (my name) do?" And he would say "obey" and he would obey... He looked up to me. So when I screwed my life up, his life suffered |
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#24
Feb 20, 2013, 09:46 PM
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That wasn't sarcasm. It's a standard therapeutic question. This is why it's not really possible to do therapy this way, ie not in person. This is a very young person; I'm not sure this is a good thing. It's not going well.
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#25
Feb 20, 2013, 10:05 PM
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It doesn't help that I am super serious so I don't get sarcasm anyway. The only reason I thought that was sarcasm because it felt rude and sounded like something my father would say to put me down... I HIGHLY dislike therapists. No offense to any therapists put there... I just really don't like you... It's a personal issue..... |
| optimize990h
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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