[Poppy Princess]

My mother found out I cut today (didn't mean for it to happen). The thing is she didn't really care. I always hid it because I thought she'd get... well, something. I thought she'd be angry with me, upset, or sad. It feels a little strange. I mean, that was my one reason for trying to stop. I don't see any reason to stop if she doesn't care about it.

[Bill3]

It feels invalidating if someone does not care whether you cut or not.

[Poppy Princess]

She was angry at first cause she thought I had been using her kitchen knives. When I told her I used a personal razor, she didn't care anymore.

[Bill3]

I feel sad that your mother could not give you an appropriate reaction, as you expected and, I suspect, hoped, once the cutting was inadvertently discovered.

Do you see a therapist or have someone you can talk to about what happened?

[Poppy Princess]

No, I'm sort of looking for a therapist now. I'm finding it hard to find one.

I'm not sure but now I think she's sort of joking about it. At dinner, she said, "Be careful, you might cut yourself" as I was using a knife to cut steak.

[NWgirl2013]

I dunno Armygirl. I am a mom & have daughters. I know you are just getting settled in there with your folks again, which is a big adjustment for all of you.

Is it possible that your mom didn't want to react too much? Maybe she didn't want to upset you or freak you out? I mean, she actually made a joke, so maybe she doesn't know how to react yet. To someone who doesn't self injure, it is hard to understand.

I have one daughter who is so very fragile, I am Very careful how I react with her. It doesn't mean I don't care, am not concerned or want what is best for her.
It means I am careful how I react with her. That's all.

I couldn't love her more if I tried. I bet your mom does too. Maybe she is trying to leave the door open (so to speak) so that you can talk to her about it when you are ready.

Just maybe ...

All the best to you ~

[Poppy Princess]

That sounds pretty logical. I might try talking to her about it. I just hope she's not angry with me.

[Poppy Princess]

Well, she said she didn't mind if I cut. I mean, what do I say to that? She's not really being unfair. She's kind of in the right.

[Bill3]

It will be interesting to see if you cut more, less, or the same with this new information. What do you think?

[Poppy Princess]

Well, my reason of hiding it is gone. I know I'm not emotionally hurting anyone if I do it. It kinda makes me want to do it more.

[Bill3]

Well I wish that people in your family could express their concern for you in a way that kindly discourages cutting and kindly encourages looking for other ideas.

What if you looked for better ways to deal with the feelings that lead to cutting?

[Poppy Princess]

I have tried, it's just hard.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by ArmyGirl

I know I'm not emotionally hurting anyone if I do it.

I don't know about this. You may think this, but people who care find it upsetting, even though they may not express it. Sometimes, they just don't know how to address the issue.

You and your mother should have an honest conversation. I have a feeling she isn't being truthful with you.

[Bill3]

I'm sure that it is hard, the pull is strong. This is why I am hoping that you can find a therapist to help. Maybe your mom would help you look for a therapist?

You could also google stop cutting, there are many hits.

[Poppy Princess]

My mother doesn't really want to talk about it anymore.

I guess I feel like hurting is so unique, there's nothing really like it. I feel like I have to be punished.

[Frankbtl]

Hi, you may not be emotionally hurting your mum? but it sounds like you're really hurting yourself- emotionally as well?. And YOU matter!!.
Can you try to find something to replace the cutting as well as identifying things that are hurting you right now? Then maybe move forward to living life the way you want too (without the cutting too?!!).

[Poppy Princess]

I'm not really hurting myself emotionally. I was only ever worried about loved ones opinions.

[lostpup]

Dear ArmyGirl, please please don't cut yourself anymore. I know how it feels when you don't get a reaction when you're expecting one, especially when you're doing something that can probably end your life, and especially when the one you're expecting a reaction from is from a family member who SHOULD be concerned with what you're doing.
But please, don't. You may feel angry and disappointed with the lack of reaction, and continue to do so or worse out of spite. But please please please don't. Even if you feel that your mother doesn't care, and even if she really doesn't care, please please believe me that I care and that many others here also do care. I know I'm a complete stranger and have no reason for caring but somehow I cannot don't care. I feel a kind of kindred spirit among all of us here. We are people who somehow ended on the bad side of life and are seeking help and solace from each other. I don't know if I'm speaking the truth for the others, but please believe me that I really do care and wish you'll stop with the self-harm.
Please, please, please. I'm begging you. Please love yourself more and even if you can't, at least please stop harming yourself.
Take care :'(

[adam_k]

I can sympathize with your families lack of reaction. Recently the few times I have cut and my wife saw, she didn't mention it or even acknowledge. Not that I was trying to get attention from her, and I even tried to hide it out of shame, but it is hard thing to hide from a spouse. It almost feels like when the people you care about, dont show it back, you just want to open the floodgates and spiral downward. Just because they don't show that they are concerned doesn't mean that it doesn't matter to them. Some people don't know how to process it just pretend like it is that bad, or try to care because they don't know what to do.

A couple weeks ago I was talking to my wife and the subject came up, and she felt like it was her fault. That made her want to throw her hands up and give up on things. I think she cares, she just doesn't know what to do about it or how to help.

I don't know the answer for her. With the recent problems in my marriage and trying to learn how to better cope with depression, it just feels to much. I want to self harm a lot, but I try my best to stop myself. I know that it may make me feel better in the short term, it doesn't deal with any problems and I will just feel worse later.

I am not saying you are wrong for cutting and that you should never do it again. It is just a way to cope with emmotional pain that is too overwhelming to deal with. I think it takes work and determination to start to deal with problems that make you want to self harm, and to get your life into a place you want it to be. I hope you can get into therapy or something and start to work on yourself and find better ways to cope. I find it helpful to talk things out with my therapist and that I can be honest without fear of upsetting her or feeling like I need to hide things, like you do with family memebers and friends.

[Poppy Princess]

I don't feel comfortable with the last three therapists I've had. To be honest, I'm tired of therapy. I was just wondering if my mother's reaction was normal in the end.

[adam_k]

Normal is a relative term. I think a typical mother would have shown concern, worry maybe angry because you were hurting yourself. Unfortunately we don't have typical mother, each person has thier mom and every mom is different and handles things in thier own way. My mom is emotionally distant most of the time. I think she cares, but just doesn't know how to show it, or let me feel it. We have to live with the mom's we have and make due with what we have.

Even if your mom doesn't care or doesn't show it, you still matter and don't deserve to suffer. I hope you find healthy ways to cope with the things that are bothering you. As far as therapy I think it is normal to go thru a couple of therapist until you find one that works for you. Most of the time you are talking to the therapist about sensitive subject, that don't come up in normal conversation, but it is your therapy and you get to chose what to talk about and how to proceed.

I think meds help to. From my experience they don't alievate all of my issues, but they help with energy, focus and motivation. I have moments where I feel good again and have optimism. Maybe it is a matter of the right meds and dosage. I hope things get better for you.

[lostpup]

I think it's hard to find the 'right' therapist. Some therapists might even make you feel worse. I've heard of people switching multiple times before they finally found a therapist who can help them. Maybe family counselling would help? Have you tried it?

[Poppy Princess]

I don't think my mom would like that very much.