I know that I will...

Everything seems to be triggering me today! The last couple of days actually. I feel pretty terrible right now. 3 weeks ago I ended up in hospital after an OD. I'm headed towards that state again. I'm determined not to get there and take the same desperate measure again! But like I said, everything is triggering right now.

I know that in my attempt not to do this I know that I will end up cutting. It's what I do to quieten the urges. To reduce them to a more manageable level. But then I'm scared too that I may end up deciding instead of just cutting to release I will cut to die instead.

I just have to hope that cutting will be enough.

Having to choose between cutting or dying is a pretty bad place to be. Somehow or other, you need to find another way of coping with things that hurt you. Having been a long term cutter, I know that trapped feeling that just takes over.

Can you get accepted into a long term inpatient therapy situation? Sometimes I think that when people hurt so bad inside that either physical pain or death seems better than what they have, one hour a week is pretty puny. Besides, in the one hour deals, when your time is up, its up, regardless of whether you have just made a major breakthrough.

Right now, it sounds like you need to be in a safe place where you can't harm or kill yourself. Not the most pleasant thought, but neither is the alternative.

Sam2

I know what you mean about the hour a week thing. My T isn't even there for the next fortnight! But I'm really trying to avoid an inpatient setting. I did that for three weeks at the start of the year and I hated it.

I can't do that again.