[dreamer62604]

I'm over this. I am tired of living this way. I hate how I feel, and how I am. No one cares. They can't because I don't. I have been going for too long. I should have died at birth. I almost did. I should have killed myself long ago. Things happen, people go away. I want to go away. I am done with all this. I won't kill myself. I'm too chicken. But i can continue to cut away the pain. The blood..it feels good. Right now I can barely type. I am so numb. I am so done.

[b] I used to be so big and strong I used to know my right from wrong I used to never be afraid, I used to be somebody, I used to have something inside now it's just this hole that's open wide, I'll cross my heart I'll hope to die, but the needle's already in my eye, what I used to think was me is just a fading memory....--NIN [b]

[Peanut61]

I wish I had some words of comfort that wouldn't sound trite.

Sending you positive energy, ((((((((Dreamer))))))))), that tomorrow might be a little better for you.

Warmly, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[darkeyes]

I think you should check into an emergency room, call your pdoc (if you see one) just get professional help A.S.A.P.
Things can get better, you need to get professional help and work at it with whom you are assigned too, it may be a long process, but it is worth it.
Just do not give up on yourself, don't give up on life, take care.
((((((((((((((( dreamer62604 ))))))))))))))))))

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[Zenobia]

But Dreamer,
Aren't you at least a little bit curious about what will happen if you stick it out? What might be around the corner? I know it stupid considering the pain you are in but aren't you curious to find out what it is that makes it all stop without making you hurt? Don't you want to know the answer? I know I do. I know that I don't trust "them" to tell me but I have got to find out some how. I hope you will get some help right now, like Darkeyes urged, so that you can get over this hump because I need you to help me get the answers to my questions. I need everyone here to help me find those answers because I know that "they" can't give them too me because "they" just don't have any real concept of what the question is. They can watch us and they can make all their little hypothesis but it is you and I who will come up with the real answers. It is you and I who will tell them the truths that they seek. If we don't hang in there the truth will be lost and "they" will have to wait for the next one of us to come along.

Please go get some help. Listen to what they say, think about what makes sense then come back and let me know what you think. I know one thing for sure. I would miss you dearly if you decided to check out. Please don't consider it as a real option, it is good to be chicken.
Love you sweetheart,
Carrie

[dreamer62604]

thank you both. I am seeing a therapist. I see her on wed. I have a pdoc, who has upped some of my meds...*sigh* nothing helps anymore. I thought I was better, but I am not. I am too far gone. Now I must just exsist. I don't have time to go to a hospital...I know they would admit me...and then I would miss school..and fail all my classes...and so on. so, i'll just keep droning on...anyway. I have school tomorrow so I should be going. thanks again.

[b] I used to be so big and strong I used to know my right from wrong I used to never be afraid, I used to be somebody, I used to have something inside now it's just this hole that's open wide, I'll cross my heart I'll hope to die, but the needle's already in my eye, what I used to think was me is just a fading memory....--NIN [b]

[dreamer62604]

change both too all...sorry Zen...ur note came in when i was writing mine.

[b] I used to be so big and strong I used to know my right from wrong I used to never be afraid, I used to be somebody, I used to have something inside now it's just this hole that's open wide, I'll cross my heart I'll hope to die, but the needle's already in my eye, what I used to think was me is just a fading memory....--NIN [b]

[darkeyes]

Is it the pressure of scchool that may be triggering some of this? How much longer do you have left to go? What year are you in? There was a girl in one of my classes (quite awhile ago) that was so driven by getting all A's, we saw she was a "cutter", a close classmate of her's once was off to the side in the hall talking about her progress or lack of progress in school and her cutting, I heard her say her therapist felt she may be putting too much pressure on herself and part of her cutting was triggered by this, he felt.
I did not know her or her friends (I was an "older" student) but she did seem to make class changes and seemed to look happier when I would see her walking through the halls, I do not know if she ever broke free from cutting but she seemed that she was at a better place with her self.
Just a thought.
I urge you, PLEASE take care,

(((((((((((((((((( dreamer )))))))))))

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[dreamer62604]

Thanks darkeyes. I know that school is one of my stessors. I have been cutting a lot lately..anyway...thanks for caring..Later..

~Dreamer~

[b] I used to be so big and strong I used to know my right from wrong I used to never be afraid, I used to be somebody, I used to have something inside now it's just this hole that's open wide, I'll cross my heart I'll hope to die, but the needle's already in my eye, what I used to think was me is just a fading memory....--NIN [b]