SI Daily Check In

Relapsed last night. I am really frustrated and angry and upset about it. Back to zero. Back to failing myself.

I really want to, but I can't let myself.

been doing loads and loads.

struggling in so many ways

I had urges that went beyond self harm last night, more like self end urges.... they're gone now though

Now that it's long-sleeve weather and cuts are easier to hide, I'm getting the urge to cut in some new places. I'm not trying to quit, but I don't want my cutting to get worse to the point that I won't be able to hide it in the future, so those urges are bothering me.

Been doing pretty good today. Upped my meds - think that's working. Havent si'd since the 16th.

deffenetly been doing it, but not like accessively

been working more on my legs

Doing so bad lately. In a desperate attempt to stay on this planet I just cut myself pretty bad. Theres a lot of blood. But there isn't enough. And I can't even feel the pain

No urges for the past 2 days

I've been 1 week since i actually SI'd, as far as urges go, It's been since yesterday.

Today was interesting for me. I opened up and showed T (she requested but it was completely my choice) my sh scars that i'd originally told her about. I no longer cut there, but she knows that. She wasn't turned off, judgemental or mean about it at all. She asked me to explain the mark, how I feel before, during, etc. My most recent urges (a few days ago) I finally opened up to T (through email) letting her know how strong they were and it seemed to help the urges pass - so she's encouraged me to try this again the next time it happens to see if I get the same result and she will accept it all freely. That T is a very interesting woman...but I do love her so.

Ahh yes me too, now that it's long sleeves weather it feels like it doesn't matter as much because it is so much easier to hide...I still want to be able to wear short sleeves next summer without a ton of questions from others....

Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk - now Free

Talked to my friend about it over IM (he also used to do it)... we told each other about what we used, and how we stashed it, and how excited we were every time we were about to do it... felt very vulnerable even though it was just over the freaking Internet.

- AJ

AJ, the words still have power even if they are said over the internet. Stay safe.

not many urges yet.

but i'm doubting that will last

I exercised last night until it hurt. I think the intent was the same - that painful release of endorphins. But it's a healthier release. My psychiatrist had agreed. So.

Anyway, it works to distract me from it for now. I hope it keeps working.

Hope everyone else is having a decent day.

Kept busy and cleaned my room and such. No urges today.

I did today, about 3 cuts as long as my hand. I don't do a bunch of cuts, usually one is enough for me just to get it out. My therapist told me that it's okay for me to do it right now if it stops me from doing more serious things for the time being while we work through other things.

Doing pretty good. The urges are pretty much gone, hopefully it stays that way

I screwed up earlier today and si'd and now I'm completely unable to wear anything but long sleeves.. /:

lots and lots of blood (like most days)

Had a lot of strong urges earlier today but made it through without doing it

I stayed with my parents last night to keep me safe. Nearly didn't work. Really wished I'd taken my razors with me, it probably would have helped. Next time I will...

I am able to control the urges when I am sober, but I have a drink or two to help with my anxiety when the meds don't work and I am cutting again when my inhibitions are lowered.

continuing doing a lot on my legs

just feels so much better..