[Blue_Bird]

Does it get easier to resist urges with time for those of you who have stopped for very long periods? I am at 4 weeks (28) days and the feelings are coming back strongly again. I feel on edge like I might ruin my progress any moment. I just want to know if there's hope that with time the urges are less intense and easier to deal with. Maybe hearing from someone who's stopped for a long time will help me get through this, I don't want to give up but the thoughts are so overwhelming.

Yes they do get easier Hold in there. The longer you go without the easier it gets to deal with. Of course I still have times when I have an urge, but the majority of the time I can talk myself out of it.

I will think about those I would let down, how upset my partner will be, I'll read old journal entries about how annoying and uncomfortable it is to be healing, how I would have to hid it from my friends and work mates, then what about if it gets infected? What if I have yet another longterm painful scar? What if a another skin growth comes up as a result of the cutting? These are all very real and very possible outcomes. What are the pros and cons of using cutting to relieve your symptoms? Its really a quick fix with more long term problems than solutions.

Yeah its easy to say all this stuff, I know it is much harder in practice. What about instead of self harming you self nurture? You're struggling right now, if you saw a child was struggling would you hurt them or help and care for them?

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Supanova

Yes they do get easier Hold in there. The longer you go without the easier it gets to deal with. Of course I still have times when I have an urge, but the majority of the time I can talk myself out of it.

I will think about those I would let down, how upset my partner will be, I'll read old journal entries about how annoying and uncomfortable it is to be healing, how I would have to hid it from my friends and work mates, then what about if it gets infected? What if I have yet another longterm painful scar? What if a another skin growth comes up as a result of the cutting? These are all very real and very possible outcomes. What are the pros and cons of using cutting to relieve your symptoms? Its really a quick fix with more long term problems than solutions.

Yeah its easy to say all this stuff, I know it is much harder in practice. What about instead of self harming you self nurture? You're struggling right now, if you saw a child was struggling would you hurt them or help and care for them?

It's good to hear that it gets easier. I was just surprised because things were starting to get easy, I felt no urges at all now they all come flying back at me. I know in the end if I do it I'll feel bad about it and do it even more and won't be able to stop myself. I might try this rubber band thing where you snap it on your wrist just to get a sting. These urges are coming from pure self hatred, which is something I need to work on. Sometimes I feel like cutting is the only thing that keeps me from doing worse and ending my life.

I'm going to try and start thinking of other people too, how would I feel if someone I cared about hurt themselves? I just feel like I'm wasting space in life right now, maybe getting that volunteer job I mentioned in another thread will help. I like helping other people.

Thank you for your reply, it really made me think about things a little differently. I'm trying very hard to keep up my progress.

A lacky band is a good alternative for some, just dont go overboard with it as it can turn into just another way to SI.

I never cut to stop myself from sui, it was totally unrelated for me so perhaps my healing journey is very different to what yours will be. But I am always happy to share my experience.

Try not to turn your thought into self blame or guilt for having these urges, it is part of the recovery process. You havent failed by having the urge, you've won by fighting it off so effectively for so long.

When I mention the child, think of this child as yourself. You are suffering, if you saw someone suffering you would help them wouldnt you? You wouldnt punish them more for being in pain. Why dont you deserve that same help? What makes you so incredibly terrible that you do not deserve love, support and care when you are hurting?

Having a sense of purpose is really important in everyones life, volunteering is fantastic. Many people (even non MI people) find it hard to stick with volunteering, but it is worth sticking with, especially if you find something you love and that is rewarding. I chose animals and disabled children, now I could not imagine a better more perfect job for me.

This may sound silly - but again my experience and if someone can take something away from it - brilliant! When I looked in the mirror, the first thought was always a negative awful thought about myself or my appearance. It happened so automatically I didnt even realise I was doing it. I challenged those thoughts. I started to say "I love you" everytime I saw my reflection. It was uncomfortable to do at first - for weeks/months, very uncomfortable, but I kept at it. Now it is almost automatic - I look in the mirror and I see someone who I love. By doing this simple exercise I am starting to see all of the other reasons I am a good person worthy of love and care. Sounds easy right? Well its not as easy as it sounds but it has certainly helped me.