Stressed

This is bad.............my whole being does not want to go into work anymore, makes me stressed at the thought. My new meds have helped somewhat, but tonight I was in one of those "trances" again.

Cut my neck.............grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Worst thing: I enjoyed it. Damn all the stress in my life and all the upcoming stuff.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I wish I had a magic wand for you hun....you deserve so much more. Know that you are loved and cared for ok?


Heather

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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

As much as I hate to be repetitive, you're trying so hard to be perfect at work that you burn yourself out. There are others there who don't do what they should, and you take on all the slack yourself. That will be the same no matter where you are if you continue to allow it. I hope it gets better for you soon. It will if you can make some changes in your life, even though it isn't easy. You deserve to be happy and enjoy life.

-Wendy

<font color=orange>"Everyone has a need for significance; and if we can't make that possible, or even probable, in our society, then it will be obtained in destructive ways." -Rollo May</font color=orange>

That is the worst thing: I enjoy it too. I agree with the grrr. It is hard to stop something you like. We just have to trust that stopping is in our best interest. *Zen rolls her eyes* On the other hand that only reason I like it is because I am so darn miserable leading up to it. If I wasn't in so much emotional pain I probably wouldn't like it at all. Interesting thought.

As far as the stress goes, I think you should listen to Heather. You seem to push yourself too hard and take up too much slack for others. It sounds familiar. Everyone who does this raise your hand *Zen raises hers up high* I was talking to a co-worker tonight about that very thing. Just wanted you to know you are not alone.
Carrie

I agree 100% with Wendy and Carrie ....

***Hugs***
Fuzzy

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wendy, Carrie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am like that everywhere I go......but at least before it was because it was MY store or restaurant. At least I felt a possessiveness towards the place and had a right to.

I'm releasing some of my frustration, but not in constructive ways...........[sigh]. In addition to cutting, I've started a new hobby this week and it's not good, just addictive.

I'm sliding so far into this hole I'm not coming out.

xoxoxox

Mary Alice

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Perfectionism in regards to what I do, sucks.........lol.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

What hobby is it?

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

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Something more addictive than meds and cutting. I emailed my T this morning and he called me at work. I felt really stupid telling him and also "bad". [sigh]

I told him I would be safe for the next couple of days since I am off, but that starting Wed. we need to talk daily if possible.
I see him on Tues.

Mary Alice

I am glad you told your T in such a timely manner. I usually put it off until it becomes totally unmanageable and in a last ditch effort of saving myself I will talk to my T. Not a very good plan so I am glad you are taking the more proactive route.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

ok, i want to know what the *other hobby is* if you do not feel safe posting it.. Please PM me and tell me..

I feel very concernd about you, and I know I should have a right to..

Please tell me what is going on Mary Alice I can not help you if I do not know what is going on..
ok..

love to you. and to all



<font color=green>
The Toa pours our everthing into life --
It is cornucopie that never runs dry.

It is the deep source of everything--
it is nothing and yet in everything.

I blew off my appt. on Tues.......didn't want to deal with his questions and prodding for answers.

I had to call my T tonight from work.......it was about 11:30pm, and he called me back promptly. That man is so good to me.

You can't help me hun................but yes, I will PM you with the answer to your question. It feels like the world is spinning out of control and destruction is everywhere. This surgery thing is really getting to me, plus home and work.

Try not to worry about me, okay? I'm still alive.

xoxoxoxo

Mary Alice

I'm sorry honey.. NOt a good thing, but I know we all make scarfices we do not want to when we are huriting, and do not want to talk...



<font color=green>
The Toa pours our everthing into life --
It is cornucopie that never runs dry.

It is the deep source of everything--
it is nothing and yet in everything.