[foreverfalling]

Okay. Um. Hi. My name is Anna, I'm fourteen, and I... I don't really know how to go about this. Probably because I'm not sure what I'm here for. I know I have a problem with self-harm -- a big problem -- but I don't want to get better. I don't want to lose this addiction, it's the only thing that helps. I can't let it go and I don't want to. So. I guess I should just explain some stuff.

By 'big problem' I mean this addiction to endorphins has made me an impulsive liar. I'm constantly lying to everyone to cover up my self-harm. I'd say it's especially bad when you promise TWICE to several people you love that you're done hurting yourself and then go back and do it again both times, worse than before. So much for second chances, right? I kinda blew it.

My methods of self-harm include:
• Cutting (kitchen knives, scissors, pencil sharpener blades)
• Poking and scratching (safety pins)
• Taking large amounts of random pills (4-8, usually I don't even care enough to read what they are; so I'm taking flippin' unknown pills, how stupid am I?)

I do it at least once every other day (by 'once' I mean cut my thighs a few times with a pencil sharpener blade), sometimes more. Often in the middle of the night in the bathroom so nobody knows. I always wear long pants and long sleeved shirts even though the only places I cut are my legs and occasionally my torso (safety pins only so far). I've become very good at hiding it, and to the world that's a bad thing, but to me, it's an accomplishment.

So I don't know what I'm asking for, because it's not help.
Maybe someone to tell me I'm not crazy for feeling this attached to self-harm?

[Contrabanned]

I feel you. It ain't healthy, but I've been in the same boat. SI can be pretty addictive, worse than most of the drugs I've tried. It's best if you find other, less destructive coping mechanisms, whatever they may be. I'm here if you need to chat.

[mazing]

You are definitely not alone. And you are definitely not crazy .

I think most of us have been there with not wanting to stop. Self-harm is very addictive can sometimes feel like the only way to get through. Change is all in your time - no-one can force you to stop until you are ready.

I will say this though - I can promise you that there are other strategies out there to manage. You may not believe it now but there are other ways to cope. It takes time and work but there can come a time when you aren't dependent on it to get through. That you don't need to lie to people to cover it up. That you can get through a day, a week, a month without it.

No-one can force you to change and we will support you no matter what here - it is a fantastic place for support when you are wanting someone to talk to. But if a time does come when you are considering whether there are other options please know that they are out there

actually your thought process matches mine and I am an old fart.............

You have some issues that your brain does not know how to cope with (in a more "normal" fashion). You have found SH works for you as a coping method. So, you are using what works.

The trick is - can you learn more methods of dealing with *distress* in ways that do not harm you?

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

actually your thought process matches mine and I am an old fart.............

You have some issues that your brain does not know how to cope with (in a more "normal" fashion). You have found SH works for you as a coping method. So, you are using what works.

The trick is - can you learn more methods of dealing with *distress* in ways that do not harm you?

I really agree with this last line!!! Well put.