Why can't they accept it?

I hate the fact that everyone makes a big deal about my cutting. To me, it's just how I deal with my frustration, anxiety, depression, etc. It's not the most practical solution, and it doesn't change the situation, but it serves it purpose. It distracts me from my problems, at least for the moment. To me, this falls into the same method as medication or counseling, or doing activities to keep busy or involve oneself in. They all serve the same purpose, to keep you from thinking of your problems. All these things don't make the problem go away, they just help to put it aside.
I don't want to be on medication. I don't want to see a counselor or psychiatrist about it. I've seen professionals many times in the past for lots of different issues, it doesn't do anything for me. I just want people to accept that it is the way I deal with things and take me for who I am.

I'm covered in scars. I try my best to not put them in places that are easily seen, but it happens. Even the fact that I have to worry about hiding them, or that I should be ashamed of them is very frustrating. I'm pretty sure that there have even been a lot of job and social opportunities that have passed me up because of it. I find that hypocritical. If I was medicating myself for the same issues it would be perfectly acceptable. Whatever, that's just ignorant people judging me before they know me and they can stick it where the sun doesn't shine. What I really hate, is people try to console me about it and telling me I shouldn't be doing it. As opposed to what, exactly? Do they think cutting was the first coping method I turned to? Obviously the more conventional methods "normal" people use aren't doing it for me. This works better.

What mostly bothers me, aside from people making me feel like I have some sort of disease, is that my family and friends give me so much grief over it. They see new cuts and they start going off about how I shouldn't do that to myself, that they don't want to be around me if I'm going to be doing that, etc. etc. Everyone deals with life differently. I have poor coping skills. I accept that. I also accept that this at least in a small way, works for me.

Why can't other people deal with that, and just let me be? I'm tired of having to hide it.

How can I get people to accept me for my cutting?

Cutting is not a life choice, it is a coping strategy. People are never going to be ok watching someone else self injure, unless they have some mental problems themselves. People who take benzos in any sign of distress are looked down on too, and it is very much discouraged, although does happen more than it should.

When you self injure you do have "some sort of disease" a mental one. This is why people cant accept it - it is not normal, mainstream, acceptable or healthy behaviour.

I wont lecture you on the benefits of stopping, its a sure fire way for you to dismiss everything I say, but if I could stop, anyone can. I was chronic but now my life is much happier.

How would you feel if you had a child or someone you cared about, and they were not dealing with things in a healthy way but cutting or doing something else that is unhealthy? What would you honestly tell someone else who is like you about cutting?

You are right in recognizing that it serves a function for you, and that it keeps you from thinking of your problems but doesn't make them go away. The first step in being able to change is acceptance. You have the acceptance. You are aware of what you do and why you do it.

It doesn't sound like you are asking for advice on how to change, yet, and that is available when you are ready for it. For now, maybe it will help to talk to your family and other concerned people about acceptance of the function in what you are doing. Remember, they will be more able to hear you when you are able to express yourself calmly and present your thoughts in a rational way. You have to be willing to hear them out too, if you want them to hear you out. It is only fair. They love you and are concerned about you and want to help you to be healthy.

I Accept it

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Just wanna send you a big hug, from one cutter to another.

People will never accept is, as it's a maladaptive coping strategy. "Cutting is not a life choice, it is a coping strategy"

Through CBT and DBT and other therapy, you can find 'healthier' ways to handle problems and feelings.

I feel the same way about cutting as you do I think. However I am actively trying to deal with my issues and dramas and crap, and use other dumb coping mechanisms to try and avoid getting out my sharps. :/

Im trying to get better, or be at least 'managed' (lmao) with my BPD and learn all the stuff they teach me.

'When the student is ready, the teacher will come.' Very true. I had to change my whole way of thinking before I was ready to learn and try to change. And it's ****ing hard work. It's retraining the brain.

I am an addict, and used pain pills, valium and booze to numb out the issues and feelings, and I know how bad this can get, so I know how badly I need to change.

I hope you can get to the point of less cutting. It's just another addiction, we go back to it because it feels good, and works - every time. Whereas journaling, meditation and breathing aren't a gauranteed. BUT - if you commit to trying a 'healthy' strategy before cutting, perhaps you can reduce it a bit?

I know I've gone off topic from your post, but I just wanted to share with you what *I* have learned on the long path I've embarked upon.

*HUGS*

Ok, well I don't know what benzos are. And I'm not asking people to watch me do it. I just want them to recognize it as my method of dealing with it and stop trying to 'correct' me.
I don't care about being normal or mainstream. Those things are highly overrated anyways. As far as healthy and acceptable behavior... smoking, drinking, and eating fast food is totally acceptable behavior that is completely unhealthy. My cutting isn't slowly killing me, yet these other human behaviors are perfectly ok? Why is it that I am seen as the destructive one?

Someone who was like me and cutting? well, I think I would be able to relate to them, but I couldn't and wouldn't tell them they should stop. I think i would give them advice as to hygiene and what implements to best use so as not to do unintentional damage... areas to avoid, etc. you know, practical advice.


You are correct, I was not asking for advice on how to change. I'm ok with the way I am and how I think and deal with things. I just want other people to be ok with it. Not necessarily EVERYone, but at least the people that matter to me. I've tried to talk with them before. They freak out about it. My family just keeps trying to send me to counselors, and my friends just give me an earful and say that I stress them out.

Thank you. now if i could only get this sentiment from more people in my life, that'd be great.

Yeah, I have a past diagnosis of BPD as well. I actually had a posted topic of that on this site as well. DBT was suggested to me, but it's not something I'm interested in. I can't get into the mindfulness practices nor do I believe in meditation. There has been some other advice given to me that isn't so yoga/hippie. I'm trying it out... sorta. But again, my issue isn't about me finding an alternative coping method to cutting. It's getting people to understand that it's just what I do.

Cutting may not be a life choice, but it is a part of my life.

I believe that if your not doing any damage or putting your life at risk then it's a perfectly acceptable (although not the healthiest way) of dealing with life. It's society who has the problem, if you are comfortable (and controlled) in what you do then that's okay. However, SI is a sensitive subject, it probably will stay that way for a long time. Some people will never accept what it's all about, some people cut but don't want to and genuinely struggle with it, some people are addicts. In whatever shape or form SI is in your life (or isn't) then it should be accepted at all levels by society. Keep seeking those few people who will accept you for you, and keep them close. Because unfortunately, there may only be a small minority. X

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You asked about everyone making a big deal about your cutting. If you step outside of the situation for a minute and think again about someone like you who uses cutting and isn't dealing with problems in life, but using cutting not to think about those problems, wouldn't you have some concern for her? You could relate to her, and understand why she does it, and advise her on how to minimize some of the safety risks. But would you also be concerned that she has so much pain and hurt that she can't deal with it? Cutting does have a function, and you recognized that it is pushing away the problems that you don't want to deal with. But the thing is, there are still those problems that you don't want to deal with, and they are still there. One of the functions of cutting is that it sends a loud and clear message that this is a person who has a lot of pain and problems and doesn't have what she needs to be able to deal with those problems. The normal response from someone who loves and cares about you is to want to help you deal with those problems, because not dealing with them will mean that you keep being this hurt, and you don't have to. There is support for dealing with the problems. It does take work and effort, but you have people who care about you and want to help you, and you are smart and resourceful, and you can do it. And you can have a happier life.

People are going to be concerned about you if you are cutting. That's because they care about you. They aren't going to stop. It is fair to ask them to understand that you aren't doing this for no reason - it has a purpose for you. But the other part of fair is that your part is to accept that they feel the way that they do also, and there is still the problem of all the problems that are causing you to feel like hurting yourself. If you have problems like that, you do need some help with them. Right? Your family is going to want you to have help dealing with your problems, because when you care about someone it just isn't okay that they hurt that much and aren't able to deal with it.

And therein lies to deeper problem to my cutting. I know I have problems. Everyone has problems. i don't think that I am alone in my struggles. Knowing that does not make me feel any better about it, though. If anything, knowing that other people feel the same way makes me feel more hopeless to finding a solution.
I realize that cutting is just a symptom of me trying to cope. I should treat the reason for it. However, dealing with my other issues are topics in and of themselves. I have two issues of mine on this site in other sections, actually. One on BPD, and another on Sexual Identity. I think I made mention of one of them, before.
The problem is that for the most part I don't like the options I have for how I am supposed to 'deal with it'. Or that their really isn't an option, at all. So in the meantime, cutting is what works... at least for a while. I've been good for about a week now since the last time I have cut, and it's the method that lets me get by in the absence of a real solution. As far as I can tell, I don't have any answers to my real issues, and my misery isn't going to go away until there is one.

I understand they care about me, and it's more my friends that I am around more so than my family. I don't see my family very often as I moved to a different city. I would rather not ever feel like cutting. I would rather just be ok and never be pushed so far to need to. However, I just can't find answers. I don't know what to do about any of my situations. I AM looking for solutions, I AM trying to be happy. It's just not happening. This isn't the first time I have reached out. But it is the Nth time I have not found an answer. I just need for people to let me be with what works for me to get by until I find that answer. If I can't achieve what I want to be happy, I would at least want people to let me cope my own way.

Well I can say I have for sure felt as you have. Especially in the midst of a depressive episode. If it works for me, and I'm not harming YOU, then stfu and let me be.

But at the same time, it hits me like a physical lunch when one of my students (I teach emotionally disturbed teenagers) mentions to me that he/she cuts. Because I know how much pain you have to be in to do that to yourself. And I always feel so sad when I know others are in that much pain.

So on the one hand I see where you're coming from. On the other, I doubt society will ever accept it. People who have never done it can just never understand. Only those of us who have been on the ride know where it stops.

In the meantime just stay safe and try to avoid doing it in places they will see. Then you won't catch grief. Only my husband sees my cuts, and I even fooled him with bracelets a few times over the summer.