a Resolution

Well, I have come to some kind of resolution, at least for now.

In some twisted way I felt that I deserved to feel guilty and deserved to be punished. I felt if I was to forgive myself or even try to stop the guilty feelings I was somehow saying that the things I had done wrong and felt guilt over were now excused or made not wrong. I have spent a lot of time thinking, writing and praying about this, and lots of time in therapy too. Perhaps I do deserve to have vengeance taken on me, however, I have come to a realization that vengeance is not mine, it is not my responsibility. I have plenty of responsibilities, some even relate to actions in my checkered past, but I think I will let God take care of vengeance.

Warning: this is blandantly religious!

In the Bible, God says, ”Vengeance is mine I will recompense.” I have decided I am not God and I will not take on His job any more. I confessed everything that I have been beating myself up over, to Him and also confessed the self-abuse. I am going to try and live from now on as if these debts are settled. When the opportunity arises to make good on one of these past failings to the people I failed or did wrong to I will accept it and try to make it right. But I am not going to continue to live in the sad, guilty land of self-hate. As I have thought about it I saw that it is not helping anyone – those I hurt or myself—I haven’t helped them and I have hindered my own life. So, it is time to let go, let God and get on with life. I don’t expect that I will be prefect with this but I already feel the most amazing lightness and freedom. I hope I have made this plain enough that it is worth sharing with all of you.

~D~
"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{dalila}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} This is a good revelation. In my opinion handing this over to your higher power is probably the best thing you could do. Who better to deal with the situation with wisdom and understanding of the whole purpose?
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

good for you dalila! I don't normally come into this forum, but something pulled me in... and it must have been your post!

Remember that though we give things over to God, it sometimes isn't "automatic" for US to quit picking them back up! lol If you find you have, just leave it for Him again, and go on again.

Part of the "looters"* philosophy is to enable us to feel guilt like this. We all buy into it, until we realize what they are doing. It is good that you are realizing some of the forces behind this, and the Source of a stronger power to help you.

good wishes.


*looters referred to in previous post on boards

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

Dalila,

Thank-you for sharing your revelation with us. IMHO, you are completely right. Vengeance is not your responsibility, and letting go is the next step. What it sounds like to me is that you have completed the repentance process, and can now be free of your past. Move forward now and reach for your potential, which is great - even greater than you know. I have a feeling that you will help a lot of people in significant ways, and this is only the beginning.

<font color=orange>"They accused us of suppressing freedom of expression. This was a lie and we could not let them publish it." ... from the Director of Censorship...

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