not sure what to do

it's been a really long time since i've cut.. i've self injured in the past year but i haven't cut in a few years.. there are a lot of things going on in my life right now and i'm feeling very overwhelmed.. the thing that topped it all off today was that my addictions counsellor is home sick.. i haven't seen her in three weeks and it's really taking a toll.. i can't think.. i haven't been able to sleep.. and i know that if i do cut.. my head will clear.. if only for a little while.. there is this huge battle going on in my head.. it's exhausting and making it so hard to work.. please don't get me wrong.. i in no way want to end my life.. i just want some relief.. i'm not sure what to do..

Try thinking of the long term.

I know when I cut it would help for a bit then things would be worse.

Something to keep in mind. You have been "clean" for quite a while. You realize that cutting is an addiction. If you give in to your urge to cut "just once", the chance of you starting again is high. Most addictions are fought for life. The further out you go, the less you will think about it, but it only takes once and it will start again.

I'm over two years out now, but every now and then, when things get really bad, I start to think about it. Notice sharp things, triggers. I know that if I start, I won't be able to stop and its just not worth going through all that again. All it gets you is very temporary relief. We, as humans, are very good at fooling ourselves. "just one more time", "I'll stop tomorrow". We convince ourselves that we have it under control and make excuses for ourselves.

You are doing well. Don't let yourself blow all that hard work. If you cut, after the relief, you will feel guilt, failure, weakness. If you hold off, you can truly say that you have gotten control over your urge to SI. How do you want to feel the next day?

Off the subject, your forum name is kind of ironic. As kids, we used to say someone was "mental", meaning we thought they were crazy. Actually, if you are mental, you are using your head and intelligent. Stay strong.

sam2

Is there someone besides yourself in your home? Go sit next to them. Watch some TV. Or if you're like me, and people don't help, go for a walk. It's been four years since I last self-harmed, but every once in a while when something awful happens I get the urge to. Then I put on my headphones instead and take a walk around the city.

thank you everyone for the support.. i made it through yesterday without doing anything.. feel about the same today but if i can just manage to keep myself distracted i think i'll be okay