[Victoria'smom]

I loosed a fight with a box cuter Tuesday and Wednesday. My whole upper arm was a casualty. Shoulder to 2" above elbow,I have more scab then skin there currently. I handed over my tool to my husband Wednesday or it'd be worse. I did no first aid or cleaning until Thursday morning, so those two days I cut on dried blood. So now its scared and scaly. I showed him Thursday after I cleaned it best I could.

He's been picking out long sleeves or telling me I should change my shirt if its short sleeve or gives me his short sleeve. If he bumps my arm playing he'll jump back like I'm on fire and apologizes tons. He did the same thing several times last night in bed. I told him it doesn't hurt but it got to the point that we just stopped trying. He's treating that side like its glass.

I tried explaining its scared, apologizing, arguing, letting him call my psychiatrist, but all he does is look at it. I joked how he stares at it so much that he'll have to pick out a cover up tattoo and if this keeps up I'll end up with a sleeve. Not funny I guess.

I asked what he wants me to do. He's just speechless and disgusted. All he tells me is that i have to wear long sleeves because there's a 4 and 11 yr in the house that he wants to keep them in a bubble. Have I thought about what I was going to tell the kids or our parents. He's not use to it yet.

It's with me for life. I refuse to say it won't happen again or it won't be worse but at least I'm starting to notice a pattern. How do I get him to accept the new me? What do I tell our parents and siblings? My siblings will accept I lost a fight with a box cutter. What about the kids? How do I help him over his disgust? He was telling everyone I was getting better, and I am then this happened. So it hit him out of left field. How do I keep a light hearted positive attitude about it when he's so hurt? I'd hate for this to damage our relationship . I refuse to feel guilty for doing it but I do feel guilty for how he's feeling. Please help.

[eskielover]

Can you catch what is making you feel so much pain before you get to that point?

There isn't anything you can do after the fact other than just not let anyone see it while it's healing & then later they won't know when it happened.....but it's your H who is the closest to you who can help you when you do get to the point BEFORE it gets to that point.

Being aware of your feelings & understanding what you are experiencing inside is seriously a good place to start....but then I'm sure your T has told you that over & over again also. Know it took me until I was in DBT for 2 years & the 1+ year of next step DBT & I still struggle with being able to spot on catch my emotions/feelings & realize them at the time they are happening with a very strong definition other than I'm feeling like crap.....but finally at 61 years old....I am getting better at it. Being able to actually catch my thoughts & realize what they are rather than having them flying all over the place in a total blur.

It's a challenge....but it's those times when you can talk to your T or your H before it gets to the point where the urge takes over. Remember in the past....my suicide urge to the OD was so instantaneous I never had the time to catch it.....but that was years ago....in a totally bad situation that I felt totally trapped in. For me that trapped feeling is that is my downfall even now.

Don't know if any of this made sense. Know it's tough. Some people it's never any of their business.....for others....when the time is right & for others....they are your closest support to help avoid things like that & they do need to know & be a intimate part of your healing.

[Victoria'smom]

Can you catch what is making you feel so much pain before you get to that point? I'm thinking I know but I have to talk to T ( not write) about a very sensitive topic that she doesn't react well to. She wants me to start a event/mood/thought chart again.

[eskielover]

I think that's a very good idea....know it's difficult to be that aware of what's going on in our own minds.....but it's really important if we do ever want to get over these difficult times

[healingme4me]

Did he specifically mention, disgust? Or is that honestly, a chosen word of yours, to explain to yourself what you imagine him to feel, when speechless?

Of course, with children around, it's necessary, to hide your injuries.
Not sure, what to make of accepting, 'new you'?

Sometimes, looks of what would appear, as disgust, are peeved off?

Speechless, can be both shock and rage.

Sure he loves you dearly, this must be scary and disheartening, for him. Especially, with kids. Don't need them modeling this behavior. Talking to them, can come later, in your life, after recovery.

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[Victoria'smom]

Did he specifically mention, disgust? Or is that honestly, a chosen word of yours, to explain to yourself what you imagine him to feel, when speechless? Its my words because he won't even really hug me.

Of course, with children around, it's necessary, to hide your injuries. The problem is its an index card size patch missing that is scaring. So the only way I'd be able to hide it is no longer wear most of my clothing because I cross hatched such a large area. Its a scar that is not going away so its part of my body or "new me".

I don't see me " recovering" due to the situations that I SI. The whole situation scared him.

[doyoutrustme]

If the "new you" won't try to stop cutting, then the new you is going to have to pay the consequences. How would you feel if your kids imitated you? How would you explain it?

tapatalk post.

I am sorry.

I hope you can get help for this and get your kids help to deal with it as well. It has to hurt them too.

[eskielover]

I don't see me " recovering" due to the situations that I SI.

I'm thinking I know but I have to talk to T ( not write) about a very sensitive topic that she doesn't react well to.

Not sure why a T would not"react well" to anything...it's their job to deal with anything their client is bothered by.....but those are the situations you & your T need to work seriously on....if it's something from the past that keeps haunting you or whatever......you need to work on WHAT about the situations are causing your problem & then HOW to work on it & HOW to deal with it using better skills.

[Victoria'smom]

the "new you" was talking about how my skin has changed because of this and his reaction. He's suppose to love all of me, even this.

won't try to stop cutting, that's the thing I don't have a compulsion. I'll go long periods of time w/o cutting.

you is going to have to pay the consequences. I'm not looking to escape the consequences but just hurting my husband is so hard.


How would you feel if your kids imitated you? horrible, of course but there's nothing I'd be able to do.


How would you explain it? I still have no idea.

HOW to work on it & HOW to deal with it using better skills. That is the horrible session Friday.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Did he specifically mention, disgust? Or is that honestly, a chosen word of yours, to explain to yourself what you imagine him to feel, when speechless? Its my words because he won't even really hug me.

I don't see me " recovering" due to the situations that I SI. The whole situation scared him.

Eventually, scars fade, but losing most of your wardrobe options, really stinks. Plastic surgeons can help, but that would require commitment not to. Compulsion? Are there ways of predicting when you are reaching this point.
I addressed the part about disgust, because, deep down, I believed it 'projection', on your end. Which denotes, deep down you are feeling that way, part of your depression
I've si'd, sa'd. It is recoverable. And for some reason, my percentage risk goes up due to my neurological illness, something like an extra 15%. Hence, working through my soul.
It can take 3+years. It's noted, in psyche books...even if, right now, you can't fathom recovery.

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[doyoutrustme]

He can love you with your scars, in private. But if you wear long sleeves and get your kids involved, then you complicated it to a larger issue than love. Love is important but there is kids involved and he has a right to protect them. Try not to take it personally. It's for your kids.

tapatalk post.

[Victoria'smom]

Are there ways of predicting when you are reaching this point? I'm starting to think its when my paranoia and delusions collide. Hence making my T stressed.

Which denotes, deep down you are feeling that way I'm vain as hell so scaring for me is a horrible thing and for my husband to react that way its even worse.

We made a deal I pack up my wardrobe that doesn't work with the scar. Then when my nephew moves out I can wear them. I have to ask my T how noticeable it really is that its a SI scar. My son is old enough to just know when mommy is really sick sometimes that happens. I'm known to wear very little clothing especially in the summer. I really don't understand why I'm scaring as an adult.