Want to curl up in ball and disappear

I don't know how I was so positive this morning.. reading on boards here and offering good thoughts to people.

I just spent the last 3 hours physically curled up in a ball under my covers because it was the only thing I could do. It feels like my blood is boiling or poison is running through it because I all I want to do is cut. I find myself rocking back and forth trying to calm myself down and push away the thoughts but it's not working.

The only thing I can see for myself tonight is ending up in the ER needing more stitches.

What do I do??

I'm sorry you are feeling so horrible. Is there anything that has helped with urges in the past? Lately, I've found folding paper cranes to be a good distraction. I also try to do lots of art when I feel like that. Do you have any prescribed meds (prn's) you can take that can help calm you down? Is there something that triggered all of this? would maybe talking to a crisis line or friend help (or call your T if you have one)? I dunno. I wish I could actaully help. I hope you find something to do other than hurt yourself (and that helps take this away).

******Trigger warning*******








Too late The urges got the better for me and I did one hell of a job.

I took an ativan and had a cigarette but I couldn't call myself down. Even as I sit here typing this I'm shaking and the adrenaline is surging through my body.

I think I'm going to go to the hospital. Second time this month.... Hopefully this time I can actually talk to someone while I'm there instead of them just stitching me up and sending me off.

I'm sorry it came to that. At least you tried something else first. I know for me, sometimes that's the best I can do.
Maybe getting to the ER and asking to be able to talk to someone on the crisis team might help. I would ask to speak to someone though, not just wait for them to offer it up. You deserve to take care of yourself, even if that means having to ask directly for some extra support.
(hugs)

(((((((( Jacq ))))))))

well I waited for over 5 hours to be seen but I finally saw someone. I had a much better experience than I did last time, and a female paramedic came and sat with me while the doctor did my stitches. She gave me lots of gauze bandages and ointment to help me clean it, and she was very understanding.

It was interesting, I did not cry at all the last time I went in, and I didn't this time either until she came into the room. It came on as a surprise (the crying) but it felt good. I specifically asked if there was a SW or some other personnel on staff that deals with MH issues. She said that there was and that I can always ask to speak with them if it isn't offered. After speaking with her for a bit I didn't feel I needed to speak with anyone else, but it makes me feel better knowing that is an option as well.

On the plus, this time I only needed 5 stitches? Last time I needed 7.

Ugh. I'm going to take a sleeping pill and sleep this awful day away in the hopes that tomorrow will be better.

Thanks all for the support
Jacq