[celtic.starlite]

My T is leaving and going to a hospital setting. She told me she'd never be the one to end the therapeutic relationship. People always ****en leave!! Why did I believe her? Why did I let myself fall for that?
I cut. I cut worse than I have in a long time. You know what? I don't care. I ****en HATE life! I just want to be done with it!
For those of you who said I was your inspiration, I'm sorry to let you down. But time to learn that's all life is - a bunch of ****en let downs.

Sorry about your T, that is a horrible situation to be in

You haven't let anyone down celtic It isn't about us, it's about you. And we are all here for you while you go through this. You are not alone.

[celtic.starlite]

Everybody is here until they're not.

[Onward2wards]

Your T appears to have decided that her career is best served by this hospital job. She may have been totally serious back when she said she would not be the one to end the therapeutic relationship. This may have been a difficult decision for her to make.

From your point of view, yes it looks like yet another person letting you down and moving on, when they said they never would. Of course it hurts a ton (((( celtic )))). It's not realistic to expect anyone would jump for joy at losing a T. However, life isn't always a confirmation of our worst fears - it just tends to look that way based on past experiences that genuinely hurt.

Okay so you cut, you expressed this pain and fear through an old method you're trying to get past. This is a slip up due to stress, it doesn't mean you are no longer an inspiration or have utterly failed people. You're human, you've had a big disappointment, and you're doing your best. You can and will survive this. Give yourself time to grieve a loss (which this is) and apply all she has taught you so far.

[TheTurtleLives]

Originally Posted by celtic.starlite

My T is leaving and going to a hospital setting. She told me she'd never be the one to end the therapeutic relationship. People always ****en leave!! Why did I believe her? Why did I let myself fall for that?
I cut. I cut worse than I have in a long time. You know what? I don't care. I ****en HATE life! I just want to be done with it!
For those of you who said I was your inspiration, I'm sorry to let you down. But time to learn that's all life is - a bunch of ****en let downs.

Celtic!!!!!!....would never thought you'd swear :P
Aww Celtic, It's alright We are here for you Im here for you, I will not be leaving anytime now at all!!...You still are my inspiratio you didnt let me down you just fighting..You have done great Honestly I mean it!!
Okay so maybe you did cut it count have been that bad!! Celtic whether you cut or you didnt , I will always love you for who you are!!
yes you shount cut but as you said it is an addiction!! Sorry bout the message if I had to have known what was going on I would have changed my words to help you!!
Celtic, yo have done amazing better then what i had to have though you have honestly and I know you didnt mean to cut not everyon leaves yous, clearly something happened!!
Celtic you hang in you fight the urge you will be stronger I promise!!

[celtic.starlite]

I am reading your replies but where I'm at right now would not make good replies back.

[TheTurtleLives]

Celtic anything is better then nothing, you need to hang in, I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU CAN DO THIS!!
I know you can...and you know I have been left by others too I know how you feel!! Honestly I do!!
Sis I wish I could give you a hug and tell you'd it be okay and i would if i was there!!!
Celtic I love you!! you know that good reply or bad ...message me I dont mind talking or listening even if I cant say anything back!!!

[jazzbella18]

I am so sorry Celtic that you are going through this. I also lost my T and I know how that feels. So you might have cut, but that is because you are going through a lot and that is the way you know how to deal with it. I know you can get through this. Please don't give up.

[Bill3]

(((((Celtic)))))

This is really rough, so tough to take.

I'm so sorry for this loss.

(((((Celtic)))))

[ThisWayOut]

((hugs)) losing a T that said they would not be leaving any time soon is really difficult. losing a t at any time is really difficult. It's ok to be hurt, sad, feel let-down, and like it's a huge loss (it is!).
I hope you can be kind to yourself (in the therapeutic sense of the word, not the way I so often use it). Will you have time to say a proper goodbye to your T? If so, I hope you can make use of it, and I hope she can help you transition to someone new... I know though, it really sucks...

[Frankbtl]

Hi Celtic, please don't feel bad about the SI you had a really triggering experience and sometimes there's only so much you can cope with. You've already been through so much, so just give yourself this one, OK??
You/we know you have it in you to start trying to tackle it again. Sometimes there can be "falls" along the way.
Now as for your T, I'd say that that was a pretty irresponsible promise anyway. Who knows maybe it could have turned out that she hadn't the skills/the right skills to help you.........now someone responsible would admit that and look to finding you someone who had and if she wasn't about to do that if............but in life there are no guarantees things like illness, injury, personal problems, family problems- all on her side/all things out of her control.............could have broken the relationship too, so a promise like that.......irresponsible to say the least, especially when you were feeling so vulnerable.
So let's hope on you getting a better T, hey??
And yes, sometimes people leave- people we hoped/wanted to be in our lives for the longest time, but then again sometimes they don't.
Still if people are important to us then it can be about valuing as much as we can all the really significant/special times/things they give us or we share with them, because those things/those memories will then still be there to hold onto if they go. There will still be something we take with us, and we'll still be better for having known them.
But back to the here and now...........can you try and pull on some of those coping skills that have already got you SO FAR?? I know they may seem so far away now, but they are there.
And the inspiration bit btw, you already know what I think about that, but............you are an inspiration just by being you which comes across so clearly. Inspirations don't have to be perfect (who's perfect anyway!!), they just need to be human, and hurt, pain............a multitude of feelings/emotions come along with being human.
And you're just NOT going to shake MY belief Celtic :
!!!!!!!
Just keep telling us as it is Celtic, we/I WANT to be there for you, whatever!!!

Alison

[celtic.starlite]

My T made a mistake, and she has apologized to me several times for her mistake, even after I realized I'm not upset with her, I'm upset with me. She realizes she should not have told me that, and she feels bad. I should not have allowed myself to believe it, ESPECIALLY when I know things happen and there is never a guarantee. So please, don't think she is a bad T, she is a great person.

Celtic

[Frankbtl]

Originally Posted by celtic.starlite

My T made a mistake, and she has apologized to me several times for her mistake, even after I realized I'm not upset with her, I'm upset with me. She realizes she should not have told me that, and she feels bad. I should not have allowed myself to believe it, ESPECIALLY when I know things happen and there is never a guarantee. So please, don't think she is a bad T, she is a great person.

Celtic

OK, I can go with the- we're all human, we all make mistakes if you feel that way
And you know it says a lot about you that you're not upset with her/not resentful or bitter towards her considering what you've been through with people. BIG achievement!!! But please try not to turn the pain/the upset in on yourself. Of course it's natural to feel some pain, to feel some hurt, but try to remember some of the things she gave you too and how far you've already moved on........and in a relatively shortish time............don't take that away from yourself. You've earned/deserved it!!!

Alison

[celtic.starlite]

**** life! My best friend just ended our friendship because of all of this. Again my dad's words are proven right - "Once people find out who you truly are, they will turn around and run." They have been proven right too many times to be a lie.

[TheTurtleLives]

No celtic, When people find out they cant help and they are scared they turn around and run!!

[celtic.starlite]

I want to thank all of you for not giving up on me, when I was giving up on myself.

Be well,

Celtic

[TheTurtleLives]

Celtic, I would never give up on you because I know you will nver give up on me, Dont give up on yourself, your better then this **** thats going on and you know it. I love you

[TheWell]

((((Celtic))))

We are all in it together.
Stay safe,
W

[celtic.starlite]

Thank you, Turtle and W.