Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Apr 01, 2004, 10:03 PM
Lexicon78 Lexicon78 is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Mar 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,944
Yesterday I wanted to cut all day long. I was just obsessing about cutting, sometimes talking myself into and sometimes talking myself out of it. It's such a roller coaster ride. My PHP therapist asked me to bring in my razors, and I did. But yesterday I tore apart another razor. There's a strange sense of safety knowing that I have the razors. I have to bring in the new razors now. I don't want to. Like I said, there's a safe feeling knowing they're there.

I'm so reluctant about giving them up. Cutting has always been a kind of "friend" to me. It's always been there when I've needed it. I never use cutting as a suicide attempt. To me cutting is too sacred for that. I'm more inclined to take pills for those attempts. I know my thinking is really distorted, but it's the honest truth. People have always left me alone...in the darkness of my own pain. They turn their back on me, but never has cutting turned its back on me.

You're probably wondering, "did she cut?" No. Just tearing apart that razor calmed me down. I didn't need to cut. I feel like I'm inside a tornado of emotions when I want to cut, and when I was tearing apart that razor I became centered and focused, my whirlwind of emotions stood still and I was calm. That's how I feel when I cut, but I didn't even need to cut this time. I think that's a little progress.

__________________


"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." -Bernard Bailey

advertisement
  #2  
Old Apr 01, 2004, 10:51 PM
Chippie Chippie is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2004
Posts: 75
I think that is a lot of progress that you didn't cut. It is hard getting rid of something we have grown so attached to, I know I still have a feew hidden, but I have put them in places that are difficult to get to so I rarely even find them, maybe you can try msking it hard to get to until you can let go completly. I'm not really great at giving advice so take it for what it's worth. And congrats on not cutting thats always a good thing.
Chippie

  #3  
Old Apr 02, 2004, 01:29 AM
Lexicon78 Lexicon78 is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Mar 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,944
Thanks Chippie. Your advice is helpful to me. Any advice will do. I agree with you that not cutting is progress. Sometimes I don't get the due "good job" that I sometimes need. Mostly people are breathing down my neck at my PHP because I have the razors. I don't think they know how hard it is.

__________________


"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." -Bernard Bailey
  #4  
Old Apr 02, 2004, 11:43 AM
Zenobia Zenobia is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Mar 2002
Location: Washington, USA
Posts: 1,130
Here is another "Good Job!" for you. When I am at my T the focus is often on the fact that I did hurt myself rather then all the times that I didn't. All the close calls, all the not so close calls but living with the craving all day without acting on it. If those moments are celebrated I think quitting would be a lot easier.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft
Reply
Views: 330

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
so close :( madmusican Self Injury 7 Oct 04, 2007 02:02 PM
how close have you been? General Social Chat 8 Jul 19, 2007 06:13 AM
Close Call. Foolish Depression 8 Oct 03, 2003 12:03 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:20 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.