[tealBumblebee]

At the end of last session I was triggered. T recognized this and tried to do some grounding with me but all I wouldn't let her. I knew it was close to time to leaving and I just needed to work through it myself. I just kept repeating "i'm fine, i'm fine. I don't know." I denied being sui or feeling like self harming (well, I said I don't know but I shook my head no) and refused her offer to stay a little longer. Before I left though, she did ask me to agree to email her if I felt sui or like self harming. We have a very trusting relationship. I'm honest with her and she has never threatened any kind of repercussion. It works for us.

I did, end up self harming tonight. It wasn't bad and controlled as usual. What I need to know is, because it did not stem from that triggering ending (I had just been holding a good bit in today and needed a little release), did I still agree to contact T or was it only based on the stipulation that my self harm stemmed from being triggered?

Like i said, i'm not worried about repercussion; i just want to keep our relationship open because we worked hard to get to this point and don't want any "accidental secrets". So, now i'm trying to decide should I tell her per our agreement or is this not really part of the agreement because it had nothing to do with the base of our making the agreement in the first place?

[Mikeyboy]

I'm not really sure in terms of what you guys agreed upon, I have a hard time interpreting situations like that and what might have been technically agreed upon. But I do think it'd probably be a good idea to reach out to her anyway, whatever the technical agreement may have been.

Hope you feel better.

[SeekerOfLife]

Teal, you mentioned how important your trust in her & relationship with her is so important to you. JMO, if you feel you need to hide this, then your relationship may need some work. Our relationships with our T's is about getting well.

[ThisWayOut]

Does your hesitation to tell her about this have anything to do with not contacting her before the incident? Or not having wanted her to encourage you to cope in a different way? Or feeling like this may be a disappointment to t? Where does your reluctance to tell her come from?
I think it would be good to tell her regardless of whether or not it falls under your agreement...

[tealBumblebee]

Originally Posted by Mikeyboy

I'm not really sure in terms of what you guys agreed upon, I have a hard time interpreting situations like that and what might have been technically agreed upon. But I do think it'd probably be a good idea to reach out to her anyway, whatever the technical agreement may have been.

Hope you feel better.

Thanks; I actually feel just fine I just don't wanna break any deals. I, too, have a hard time figuring out this kind of thing too lol.

Originally Posted by seekersinking

Teal, you mentioned how important your trust in her & relationship with her is so important to you. JMO, if you feel you need to hide this, then your relationship may need some work. Our relationships with our T's is about getting well.

I don't necessarily feel the need to hide it. I just prefer not to contact her or bother her outside of session if not necessary. I would be willing to tell her next session, but if this was part of the agreement, because our relationship works, I want to hold up my end.

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

Does your hesitation to tell her about this have anything to do with not contacting her before the incident? Or not having wanted her to encourage you to cope in a different way? Or feeling like this may be a disappointment to t? Where does your reluctance to tell her come from?
I think it would be good to tell her regardless of whether or not it falls under your agreement...

My hesitation mostly has to do with if i'm supposed to tell her or not. I don't necessarily report "all self harm" to her. I'm just referring to this one incident that fell during the agreement time. Although, I did consider that I probably should have told her before I did it - but that's too late now. I think I will just go ahead and inform her but I'm not sure it applies. Perhaps to be safe though.

Thanks everyone!

[Kiya]

because it is a trusting relationship and T did ask you to email if you would/did SI, I would say yes. Contact T.
or maybe you already have?

[tealBumblebee]

Update:

So, I did contact her letting her know that I did it but she didn't reply (busy). More recently we spoke about it and she was glad that I did. She had been concerned about me and wasn't surprised or phased by the self harm. We discussed it a bit and it seems that it was part of the agreement to contact her (and actually before I did it). She was glad I contacted her and now the goal is (stated more clearly and actually discussed) to try to contact her before I cut to see if a little encouragement helps. So, basicallyits all been worked out and yes I had actually agreed to contact her.