Explaining self harm to those who don't

I've struggled with Bipolar type II for most of my life (even if I wasn't diagnosed until recently). My biggest fear was always losing control. When my depression was bad, I would burn myself and get a moment of clarity where once again I felt that my mind was mine again.

This is how I explain it to others.

Pain is our most primal of experiences...our self-preservation kicks in as a reflex. We can touch something hot, and pull away before we are even aware of it. It is natural to avoid pain. So when we harm ourselves, we are enforcing a conscious control over our subconscious. We are denying our preservation reflexes for a sense of stability.

It doesn't excuse it- but it certainly puts things into perspective for those who have never harmed.

~Anna

I usually say it's the release of an orgasm without the orgasm.

I love the way this is worded and this is one of the few explanations that I've heard and can actually relate to to an extent. Thanks for sharing!

I'd never be able to vocalize that but I have totally thought this thought!

A T explained it to my mam in the way that some people will shout etc when they're upset or angry to deal with it, but some people will hurt themselves instead to get that release and get it out.

I personally think it's that I turned all my upset and anger on myself, so instead of telling someone I was mad at them for whatever, I'd blame myself instead and hurt myself cos I "deserved it" instead of them.

I now have the opposite problem, I no longer self harm but I haven't learned how to cope without it, so I just take it out on everyone else now instead. An ot I saw briefly said that's better than hurting myself, but I don't really agree with that, I'd still rather hurt myself than people I care about. I guess that's just something I need to work on.

I see it as a way of actualizing mental pain so that it can be dealt with/recovered from - a cut releases the pain and when it heals we feel a part of that mental pain has been healed too.

The problem as i've discovered is that it doesn't actually heal the pain, it just helps to blind it from my view for a little while until something causes it to resurface.

I think self harm should be talked about more. I mean it has a different meaning for everyone but there needs to be a greater understanding of it's role as a coping mechanism across all ages and diversities of people.

I agree ^^ it's kind of like focusing on the physical pain takes your mind off the emotional pain for a bit. It's sometimes earlier to deal with. Then tending to the cuts can be a way of looking after yourself when you feel no one else will. Or even sometimes it's like you're speaking on your skin. You can't tell people how you feel, so you show them with cuts. Though in my case I could never actually let anyone see them anyway so that was kind of pointless. Maybe a way of showing myself my own pain? I don't know. The whole thing is just complicated and I think that's why it's not talked about much, as no one has a sure way to "cure" it, cos it goes so deep mentally and of course every case is different. Self harm is more a symptom of the problem, than the actual problem. Of course it is a huge problem in itself, but I guess I'm trying to say that sometimes people just focus on the act rather than the reasons behind it. Maybe hiding behind it? Again, each case is different and I've completely gone off on a tangent, sorry about that.

Exactly. It is an important first step to stop bottling it up and start expressing it. The way I always explained it was that I had spent so long at one extreme that I needed to swing wildly to the other extreme before I could figure out where the balance was.

Keeping it inside. Bottling up the pain until I acted on it against myself....All those actions were acts of lying:
I lied to myself about my worthlessness.
I lied to others about my pain.

As long as I kept lying to myself I would keep lying to the world and that would only repeat the cycle. Breaking free of that cycle meant expressing myself outwardly instead of inwardly.

Sometimes if someone notices the scars and asks I will tell them: "I was sad." That usually sums up the truth if I don't want to explain everything. If I don't feel like talking about it, I just say exactly that.

I hide it. By any means possible.

It hurts my husband though.

He'll never ever get it.